Raising Creative Children » routine

The Family Meal – A Thing of the Past?

Lorelei Sieja — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:07:20 +0000

Meal Times are Bonding Times

If babies came with instruction books, one of the main chapters would surely include family mealtimes. Eat with your children! Eat breakfast with them, lunch whenever possible, and every dinner. Talk to them. Listen to them. Share bits of your day, and ask them about theirs. Develop strong communication habits, and maintain them as your child grows and matures.

Eat Together at Every Meal

Many families today claim they are just too busy to eat together, but I’d have to ask, too busy compared to what? Surely our grandparents were much busier than we are. We do not have to milk the cow or gather eggs from the hens before we can fix breakfast. We don’t have to prime the pump, or start a fire in the stove before we can cook. Never has food been more plentiful. We have freezers and refrigerators and cabinets bursting with options that may have been raised all over the globe. We can easily serve fish from Alaska, blueberries from Maine, potatoes from Idaho, with horseradish from Poland, all at the same meal.

We all have the same amount of time in our day. We just have different ways we chose to spend that time. I would suggest that having a family mealtime is so important, that we should take a second and even a third look at our schedules, and see what we may have to eliminate or rearrange to make family mealtimes happen.

Plan Time for Meal Times

Summer Tee Ball Program

When my children were little, I had one in boy scouts, one in gymnastics, one taking horse-back-riding lessons, and one involved in a Mom & Tots play program. They had religion classes, but because the parish didn’t have enough space, the third graders met Sunday afternoons, the second graders met Tuesday after school, and some met on Saturdays, and if parents wanted to continue their learning, that was at another time, as well. I had homeschool meetings once a month with the homeschooling support group, and my four children were all involved in the Suzuki music program. Suzuki is a GREAT program! It is “talent education” and not simply music lessons. But our program was very organized, and each student had three classes a week. Their individual lesson, a group lesson, and a music theory group lesson. Times four kids, that meant twelve classes a week for me. I didn’t live far from the church where these classes met, but it was still a lot of running around.

I saw a bumper sticker one day, that read, “If I’m a housewife, why do I spend so much time in the car?” It made me laugh, but later in the evening, as I was folding yet another load of laundry, I felt closer to tears. I was a car-wife! I felt married to my Ford Econoline conversion van. That relevation propelled me to write the article “Coming home, Staying home” for The Teaching Home magazine. And after I deposited the paycheck, I realized it was time to take my own advice.

Prune Extra-Curricular Activities

Kitchen Tables are Seldom Used for Meals Any More

We eliminated most of our extra-curricular activities. They are called “extra” for a reason and should not become the main focus of your family. We returned to eating family dinners, as it had been our practice in the past, and I started preparing family breakfasts as well. We say a simple grace before meals (actually, we sing it), and no one starts eating until after the “amen”. Now when we visit relatives, we’re usually asked to sing the table grace, and some of our relatives have learned the words to join in.

Find the time to eat together! And do it daily! Some studies have suggested that when families eat together, the children are less likely to do drugs, do better in school, and are more likely to build solid relationships. I’d suggest that such studies aren’t even necessary. Spend time with your kids, and they’ll learn from you. Don’t spend time with your kids, and they’ll learn from their peers.

Isn’t that reason enough to return to the family dinner table?

As a side note… when I went searching for photos of families eating dinner together – families with children – I could not find any! The only family dinner pictures I found were extended family holiday celebrations. Don’t let this become your tradition. Make family meals a daily activity. It will mean more to your child in the long run than soccer, tee ball, gymnastics or music lessons.

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Oakley Originals
Middle: photo by Rob n Amy C
Bottom: photo by Megrje

What Not to do at Bedtime

Lorelei Sieja — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:43:49 +0000

Putting a child to bed shouldn’t be difficult. If the child has had an active, enriching day and has had all his needs met – food, water, shelter, and love – then he should be more than ready for sleep. Yet, I hear time and time again of just the opposite. Children who want only to sleep in their parent’s bed, or who cry endlessly all through the night, or who refuse to stay in their beds. These are bad habits, and habits can be broken. Here are the ten most common mistakes parents make in putting their child to bed.

Video Games Do Not Help a Child to Relax

Do not allow your child to play video games. These games tend to get children wired, not relaxed! I don’t believe children should ever play video games, but that’s a subject for another post.
Do not play a story tape or music. It is okay to read your child a story – it is wonderful, in fact! Go ahead and sing your child a lullaby. But do not make the CD or cassette tape part of the routine. If you do, how will your child get to sleep when that is not available? It is okay, especially if you live on a noisy street or have older children, to play some white music in the background. You are not teaching a child to fall asleep listening to something, but rather, to try to let your child stay asleep by not being disturbed by noise.
Do not rock your child to sleep. Rock your child! Love him, cuddle him. But put him to bed before he’s actually asleep. He needs to learn how to let himself fall asleep. Otherwise, if you rock a child to sleep, and he wakes up in the middle of the night, you will have to rock him to sleep again. And again. Children need to learn how to comfort themselves back to sleep. Also, children who fall asleep in swings or car seats or other movement, usually do not fall into deep sleep.

A Naptime Routine Can Make Falling Asleep Easier

Do not wait until your child is falling asleep before putting him to bed. Young children want to stay awake. They do not want to miss out on anything. They will spin around in circles, babble incoherently, wave their arms and jump – they will do anything to keep themselves awake. If you wait for a child to appear sleepy, then he is probably over-tired already.
Do not put your child to bed with a cup or a bottle. This is hard on their teeth. They have the opportunity to eat at dinner, and if you chose to have an evening snack as part of your routine, then they can eat again. They can have a cup of water after brushing their teeth. They simply do not need more fluids at bedtime. Potty training may be more successful when the time comes if your child does not drink right before bedtime.
Do not put a lot of toys, books, pillows, or blankies in your child’s bed. He may have one toy to cuddle, one book, and one special blankie. That is enough. More than that, and you encourage your child to stay awake.
Do not move your young child out of the crib before you establish a solid bedtime routine. The cribs are called a six-year crib for a reason. Your child could stay in the crib until kindergarten. The toddler bed may not offer the same sense of security and comfort that the familiar crib does.
Do not allow your child’s bedroom to become a war zone. Teach him or her to pick up toys daily. That should definitely be part of the bedtime routine! A messy room may be over stimulating, prolonging the time it takes your child to fall asleep. A clutter-free bedroom painted in muted tones can have a calming effect on even the most stubborn children.
Do not allow your child to consume sugary foods in the evening. This should be obvious. Sugar gives us energy. You want your child to unwind, calm down, and sleep through the night. Giving him a cookie is like adding more logs to the fire. If you find it necessary to give your young child anything at all, it should be milk – warmed is even better. Milk contains tryptophan, an essential amino acid also found in meat and turkey, which is known to cause drowsiness. Some doctors are even prescribing tryptophan to treat insomnia.

All Tucked In

Do not send your child to bed. Take him there. These are your child’s last moments before sleep. Make them pleasant. Help him into bed, and cover him up. Fold his hands in yours and teach him to say a simple prayer of gratitude. Have him recall special events from the day, or whisper loving words in his ear. It is only a few moments of your time, but it is forever in his memory.

Related Articles:
Hassle-Free Bedtime
Mastering The Nap

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Tom Rafferty
Middle: photo by Dan Garner
Bottom: photo by Melissa Ross