Recently, I was at Wal-mart Optical helping my husband pick out new frames when a family came by with three grade-school aged children. The youngest might have been six. He was sitting in the shopping cart, screaming at the top of his lungs with a shrill pitch that made everyone think he had blood pouring out his eyeballs. The problem? He didn’t want to get his frames repaired, he wanted new frames. The parents were bent over him, anxiously trying to please him so he’d be quiet. They used every word in the dictionary, except “No!” Now if you’ve ever read the Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies, then you know the right way to deal with this situation. You leave the store immediately. You do not placate a child in a tantrum, but neither should you subject the entire population of the store to his inappropriate behavior. You cannot reason with a child in a tantrum. You should not EVER give in to a child in a tantrum. Take him out to the car, take him home. Send him to his room, or his cry-rug, or his time-out corner. Then later, when he’s calmed down, you teach him.

That same day I was walking my dog, and saw a little two-year-old girl on the sidewalk, jumping up and down. She wore a sundress and lacey socks and shiny black shoes. Her wispy blonde hair was tugged back in a pony tail, but precious strands had come loose and were floating on the breeze with her enthusiasm. It was a joyous, carefree moment. But her father squelched it instantly, yelling “No! Don’t do that. Can’t you just walk like normal people?”

Both sets of parents did not know the correct use of the word. Both had failed to understand children, or the role of the parent. In both families there were hurt feelings and a lack of communication between adult and child.

So when do you say no?

As little as possible, and only when it’s absolutely necessary. If you say it all the time, your child will learn to tune you out. The best way to change your habit of overusing the word “no” is to just stop and think a moment before you speak.

Here are some examples:

Climbing Up The Slide

Throwing Sand is Fun

Suppose your child wants a piece of birthday cake for breakfast, and you want to tell him no, he needs to eat cereal. Is there really any less sugar in that box of honey-yummy-crunchies than the cake? It became a beloved tradition in my family, that the morning after a birthday, everyone could have cake for breakfast if they wanted to. And I rarely bought sugary honey-yummy-crunchies anyway. I am not in favor of letting children eat sugary sweets, but it is much easier just to NOT keep them in the house than to try to explain to a three year old why we only eat chocolate covered grahams after we’ve had a nutritious breakfast.

Another way to get around overusing “no” is to have clearly defined rules. I’ll go into more details about rules in another post, but for now, know that if you have a set bedtime, and your child asks to stay up late, you can just ask him the rule. “What is the rule in this house about bedtime?” Then the child can answer his own question. You’re not the big meanie saying “No”. Your child is learning to live by a set of rules, which is absolutely necessary to live in a society.

So remember, think before you answer. Do you really have to use the word “no”? If the answer is yes, then do it! Say it once. Say it with authority. Do not repeat yourself. If it seems appropriate at the time, you can explain to your child why you must say no. If your child throws a tantrum, then you discipline the tantrum. You do not change your “no” to a “yes”. If your child accepts the “no” well, praise him! Tell him how proud you are that he listened to you.

The more you can step back and allow your child to explore his world, the more you allow him to develop his innate creativity.

Related Reading:
Playground Safety: Cautious or Zealous?
Reduce or Eliminate Tantrums
Mastering the Nap

Books by Others:
Ten Days to a Less Defiant Child
Parenting with Love and Logic

Photo Credits:
Tantrum: Saad Aktar
Up the Slide: Kissy Face
Throwing Sand: CarbonNYC

Dusting Off Your Dreams
by Shanna Beaman

When your children nap or start kindergarten, take some time for yourself to dust off your dreams.

As a mother or a father, giving 100% of yourself to your family is natural and you love and enjoy every minute of it. There does come a time when you have time to think about doing something for yourself, your future, and the future of your family.

What are your goals and dreams? What do you aspire to or hope for? Goals help turn these “wishes” into reality. You can have what you desire with some planning and that is what goal setting is all about. Goal setting gives you the necessary confidence you need to know that you can have anything in life that you want.

What is a goal?

Why should you set goals?

Goals give you direction; they give you a road map. You can’t arrive at a specific destination if you don’t know where you are going. When you know where you are going you will stop driving around in circles and head straight for your destination.

Goals create enthusiasm. Enthusiasm comes from within and when you have a goal, you have a purpose. Every day when you awaken you are excited to get up because you know where you are going and you are getting closer to reaching your dreams!

Goals make you happy. Your mind is alive because it has something encouraging to focus on. Goals help eliminate negative thoughts and discontentment.

Goals help you overcome obstacles. Obstacles are what you see when you take your sites off your goals, so if you don’t have goals, you’re forced to focus on obstacles.

Goals give you discipline. Goals make you mind yourself. Instead of just going through your everyday actions, now you will be asking yourself “Is this action taking me closer to or farther away from my goals?”

Goals give you confidence. When you have clearly defined and written goals, you move toward those goals with unshakable confidence. You don’t let anything get in your way.

If goals are such a great thing then why don’t more people set them? The only reasons that seem reasonable are that people don’t know how and/or they just don’t understand the importance of setting goals.

How do you set goals?

You write them down using these key factors:

• Your goals must be written in a present, positive state as if you have already achieved your goal.
• Your goal must be measurable, attainable and tangible.
• You must have a deadline, a timeframe, in place for when you will reach that goal.
• You must list the obstacles and the solutions to overcome the obstacles you may encounter.
• You must reward yourself when you reach predetermined milestones or when you reach your goal.

It is imperative that your goals incorporate these factors in order to be effective.

Be sure you set goals in every area of your life. A balanced life is a good life. The areas in which to set goals for are:

• Physical and health
• Financial
• Family and relationship
• Spiritual
• Educational and mental

Goals Make You Happy

by: Shanna Beaman

For more information on setting goals, visit: www.goalsmentor.com

Photo Credits:
Reaching the top: D. Sharon Pruit
I made it! D. Sharon Pruit

Some parents are able to dispense with the pacifier when their baby is about six months old, but others find that their child really needs it to calm themselves, to be able to sleep, or get back to sleep after waking in the night. Some time between the ages of two and four, most children will give it up. The question,then, is how to help them through this painful process?

How to get rid of the pacifier?

Here is one method that has worked for many families:

1. First, gather all the pacifiers you can find into one location. If your child is very dependent on them, you may find over a dozen in the car, your purse, the diaper bag, the crib, the toy box, and the silverware drawer. Make sure they are all clean. Because they are often wet and stored in dark places, they can be breeding grounds for bacteria. Now place the pile of pacifiers in a clear container in a prominent location. Perhaps a big, clear plastic jar on the kitchen counter.
2. Next, talk to your child about this. Tell him that he is growing, and soon he will not need a pacifier any more. Maybe you only spend a day on this step, or you might need to spend a week on it. Get some library books out on the topic of “growing up”. Help your child see that this is normal, that every body grows up. That it is okay to feel like a big boy sometimes, and still want to be held and rocked and kissed. Growing up does not have to be like going up a crowded escalator. Your child can take the stairs all by himself. Sometimes he’ll go up two steps, but then come back down one. Maybe he’ll run up three steps, but trip on the third one and want to sit there for a spell.
3. When your child is okay with the concept of “growing”, then you explain that every day he may have one pacifier, but it must stay in his crib. He can climb in his crib if he feels he really needs it. He may use it at nap time, and at bed time. But he may not take it out of his crib. And in the morning when he wakes up, HE will throw it in the trash. You will watch him do this, and make sure he doesn’t dig it back out! (Yuck!).
4. Gradually, the pile of pacifiers will diminish. As it gets smaller, praise your child often. Hold him a lot. Rock him. Comfort him. Sing to him. Don’t make him feel that he is losing your love and affection. All he is losing is something to suck. It may help, subconsciously at least, if you serve foods that require sucking. Don’t get him addicted to lolly pops! The pacifier is undoubtedly the lesser of those two evils! But you could make some frozen fruit-juice popsicles or put a straw in his glass of milk or juice.
5. Finally, the last day will come. He will throw away the last pacifier. Make it a party. Serve cake and ice cream and his favorite food for supper (assuming he has one). Take lots of pictures. Play a special game, and let him stay up just a little bit later than normal. Keep him busy all day. This would be a great day to spend at the park! You want to make sure that he is very tired at bed time, not over-tired and cranky.

Go through your regular bedtime routine, whatever that is. Often that means taking a bath, putting on clean pajamas and cuddling in the rocking chair to hear a story or two. Then put him to bed.

He might fuss a little. He might fuss a lot. Do not pick him back up. Do not bring him into your bed. You may go in his room, lay him down again if he is standing. Cover him and rub or pat his back. You may put on some soothing music. Reassure him that you love him.

Learning To Sleep Without a Pacifier May Take About a Week

If your child continues to have problems sleeping, you may want to get additional information. Here are two books on getting children to sleep. I haven’t yet read either of them, but I read all of the parent reviews posted, and they gave the books a five-star rating. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Related Articles:
In Praise of Pacifiers
Why Two-Year-Olds Have Tantrums
Hassle-Free Bedtime

Photo Credits:
Upper:http://www.flickr.com/photos/chimothy27/ / CC BY 2.0
Lower:http://www.flickr.com/photos/aidanmorgan/ / CC BY 2.0

My parents didn’t want us to work after school or in the summers. They felt that our school work was our job. I don’t think now, in hind-sight, that was a good idea. First off, my parents managed to do all three – chores at home, part-time jobs, and finish school. There were some basic job skills and financial management skills that I was severely lacking, and it took years (my husband might add “if ever!”) for me to learn them.

Teach Them When They are Young, and When They are Old They Will Not Depart

My son got his first paper route when he was eleven years old. He enjoyed it, and two of his sisters were a little envious that he was getting paid real money - espescially when he went out and bought himself a new bike. He took on a second route, then, and subcontracted the work with them, dividing up the two routes into three. His eight-year-old younger sister took the shortest route that was closest to home - delivering just to the homes on our block.

I can still see them now, sitting in the front hallway (the walls were painted white, dumb color for a home with children). The papers would come about 2 pm, signalling the end of our school day. Then they'd work together rollign the newspapers and sticking a rubber band around them, stuffing them in the big, green canvas newspaper bags. The soy-based ink would rub off on their hands and faces, and leave inky smudges on the walls. As soon as the last paper was rolled, they'd hop on their bikes and go out the door - and I'd have a half an hour of private time with the youngest, before they returned.

I worried a little - hey, I'm a mom! I worried about careless drivers backing out of their garage, not looking for a kid on a bike. I worried about the grouchy customers who snapped at kids if they threw the paper in the wrong place. Some customers want the paper on their front porch, some want it by the garage door, some actually want it ON the grass - and they expect a ten year old to remember one hundred different preferences?

Washing Toy Dishes at Three is Good Practice. One Day She'll Be Washing Your Dishes.

Christmas Day there was a paper to deliver! That shocked me, but the kids didn’t mind. They decided to deliver it after the midnight Mass the night before. A light snow was falling (we lived in Oklahoma at the time, so snow was rare). I drove the pickup truck, and they rode in the back (okay, I’m confessing to doing something that is now illegal, too). And they flung the papers from the back of the pickup, while singing Christmas Carols at the top of their lungs. It is a happy memory, for me as well as for them.

Then they started getting the Christmas Cards. Satisfied customers sent them nice little notes inside, sometimes with a dollar or two for a tip. That was the best Christmas for them, ever. Not just because they had some spending money, but because of the pride they took in their work, and that their customers appreciated them.

Later, when we moved to North Carolina, they had to retire. It is illegal in the state of North Carolina for a child under the age of EIGHTEEN to have a paper route. Children in that state cannot cut grass for the neighbors! Even McDonald’s is not allowed to hire kids under the age of sixteen. And at least in the area where we lived, there was a high rate of juvenile crime. Some kids broke into the school computer lab and trashed it. Even the sheriff claimed it was just because they were bored.

Well, my rambling thoughts are going to draw to a close sometime soon.

The point of this post is, that children can do chores. Whether they should or not is a matter of personal preference. As for me, I wouldn’t have robbed my children of those experiences for anything.

I found several blogs that posted very detailed information on this subject, so rather than “re-invent the wheel” I thought I’d just share those links.

The first is Emomsblog, written by an online friend of mine. Her children are older, ages 10 and 12, so her information may be a little beyond the scope of this blog, where I focus on preschoolers ages 2 – 6. But she wrote an excellent article on summer planning, complete with calendars and chore charts, that I thought you might be able to adapt to your own needs.

Next is More4kids, a blog I don’t really know anything about. But there was a great article that listed a number of jobs very young children could do.

And finally, you might want to read Paying Children to do Chores . This blog seems to be more about saving money than parenting, but I thought this article was well written and thoughtful.

So, I invite all of you to comment below, and share with us what chores your children do. What would you like them to do? Do you pay them or give them an allowance? Thanks for reading! Until next time-

Photo Credits
Top: photo by J. Danvers
Middle: photo by Jennifer Schwalm
Bottom: photo by author

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Write first words in large letters in red ink on sturdy posterboard. Think really Large!  Like six inches!  This is because baby vision is not 20-20, and you want them to be able to see it well.  And they are more attracted to red than black.  Try “mommy” and “daddy” for the first words, as these are often the first words a baby learns to say.

Step one:
Show the “mommy” card quickly and set it down.  Play with your baby.  Do patty cake, or kissy games, or “this little piggy”.  Then flash the card again and say clearly, “This says mommy”.  Set the card down and play for another couple of minutes.  Repeat one more time, then the lesson is over.  You spend only a few minutes total, but show the card three times.  Repeat later in the day, several times a day, for a week.

Step two:
Do the same routine the next week with the word “daddy”.

Step three:
The third week is a big challenge.  You flash one card and ask your baby what it says.  If he says the word correctly, praise him!  Get real excited.  Jump up and down, clap your hands, kiss him profusely.  This is a big deal!  But if he is wrong, just go back to step one and begin again.  He’s a baby!  Give him a break!

Step four:
Once your baby recognizes Mommy and Daddy correctly, you can move on to more words.  Now the letters can be slightly smaller, five inches, I think.  It’s been 26 years since I read the book.  I don’t remember the next sequence of vocabulary words taught, either, although I don’t suppose it really matters.  You could teach words as your baby learns to speak them.  If “highchair” is part of his vocabulary, then make a word flashcard for it.

That’s the Glenn Doman approach, in a nutshell.

Teach Your Baby To Read

baby-math

baby-knowledge

superb

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He now has other books available, as well.  “How to teach your baby Math” and “How to teach your baby to be physically superb” really caught my eye.  I’ll be ordering them soon, and posting a book review of them as well.

If you’re really interested in early reading, you might want to check out this website. I just discovered it this morning, but I’ve emailed them and asked for a free demo so I can learn more about it. I’ll let you know what I learn! The demo is free, though, so if you don’t want to wait, go ahead and order it yourself.

I think teaching a baby is exciting, but the most important lesson is not reading, or math, or physical fitness. I think the most important thing gained from these activities is the close bond you build with your child.

For further reading:
Early Reading, Pros and Cons
Reading Readiness
Great Books for Toddlers and Preschoolers
My Book Store

Photo Credits
Top: http://www.flickr.com/photos/futurestreet/ / CC BY 2.0