Recently, I was at Wal-mart Optical helping my husband pick out new frames when a family came by with three grade-school aged children. The youngest might have been six. He was sitting in the shopping cart, screaming at the top of his lungs with a shrill pitch that made everyone think he had blood pouring out his eyeballs. The problem? He didn’t want to get his frames repaired, he wanted new frames. The parents were bent over him, anxiously trying to please him so he’d be quiet. They used every word in the dictionary, except “No!” Now if you’ve ever read the Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies, then you know the right way to deal with this situation. You leave the store immediately. You do not placate a child in a tantrum, but neither should you subject the entire population of the store to his inappropriate behavior. You cannot reason with a child in a tantrum. You should not EVER give in to a child in a tantrum. Take him out to the car, take him home. Send him to his room, or his cry-rug, or his time-out corner. Then later, when he’s calmed down, you teach him.

That same day I was walking my dog, and saw a little two-year-old girl on the sidewalk, jumping up and down. She wore a sundress and lacey socks and shiny black shoes. Her wispy blonde hair was tugged back in a pony tail, but precious strands had come loose and were floating on the breeze with her enthusiasm. It was a joyous, carefree moment. But her father squelched it instantly, yelling “No! Don’t do that. Can’t you just walk like normal people?”

Both sets of parents did not know the correct use of the word. Both had failed to understand children, or the role of the parent. In both families there were hurt feelings and a lack of communication between adult and child.

So when do you say no?

As little as possible, and only when it’s absolutely necessary. If you say it all the time, your child will learn to tune you out. The best way to change your habit of overusing the word “no” is to just stop and think a moment before you speak.

Here are some examples:
Your child is at the playground, trying to climb UP the slide. Every child does it. Most adults tell them not to. Is he going to hurt himself? Probably not. Is he hurting others? Not usually. Is he going to break the slide? Definitely not. So why not let him? This was a major peeve of mine when I worked at preschools and day care centers. There were sooooo many rules regarding the playground equipment! Children could not climb up the slides, they could not come down on their bellies. They could not come down head first. Walk up these stairs only. Walk down those stairs only. Don’t jump from the second to the bottom stair. Argh! Companies have been designing and developing playground equipment, trying to make them so safe that children can’t possibly get hurt (yeah, right, where there’s a will, there’s a way!) and still we feel compelled to restrict their creativity and imagination with a list of rules that would make the IRS cringe.

Your child is at the beach throwing sand. Do you really need to say “no?” Why do children like to throw sand? I don’t have a clue, but they ALL do it! They like to throw. Recently my granddaughter amused herself for nearly thirty minutes by picking up the annoying large green pods of the black walnuts and tossing them into the dumpster. She shrieked gleefully, “I won! I won!” every time she heard the satisfying thunk of the nut striking the heavy metal container. But we don’t like it when our children throw sand. We don’t want others to think our child is undisciplined. So we yell at our child (why not yell at the other people?) and threaten to take them home this minute if they don’t stop throwing sand! The last time I took my granddaughter to the beach, I tried a different tactic. The beach was not crowded. There was not a strong wind to carry the sand. I told her she could stand at the edge of the water and throw sand into the water, but not to throw it at anybody. I also warned her that she might get sand in her eyes. Then I left it up to her to discover. She gleefully threw fistfuls of sand into the waves for all of five minutes. That was it. She’d had her fun, and was ready to go on to another activity.

Suppose your child wants a piece of birthday cake for breakfast, and you want to tell him no, he needs to eat cereal. Is there really any less sugar in that box of honey-yummy-crunchies than the cake? It became a beloved tradition in my family, that the morning after a birthday, everyone could have cake for breakfast if they wanted to. And I rarely bought sugary honey-yummy-crunchies anyway. I am not in favor of letting children eat sugary sweets, but it is much easier just to NOT keep them in the house than to try to explain to a three year old why we only eat chocolate covered grahams after we’ve had a nutritious breakfast.

Another way to get around overusing “no” is to have clearly defined rules. I’ll go into more details about rules in another post, but for now, know that if you have a set bedtime, and your child asks to stay up late, you can just ask him the rule. “What is the rule in this house about bedtime?” Then the child can answer his own question. You’re not the big meanie saying “No”. Your child is learning to live by a set of rules, which is absolutely necessary to live in a society.

So remember, think before you answer. Do you really have to use the word “no”? If the answer is yes, then do it! Say it once. Say it with authority. Do not repeat yourself. If it seems appropriate at the time, you can explain to your child why you must say no. If your child throws a tantrum, then you discipline the tantrum. You do not change your “no” to a “yes”. If your child accepts the “no” well, praise him! Tell him how proud you are that he listened to you.

The more you can step back and allow your child to explore his world, the more you allow him to develop his innate creativity.

Related Reading:
Playground Safety: Cautious or Zealous?
Reduce or Eliminate Tantrums
Mastering the Nap

Books by Others:
Ten Days to a Less Defiant Child
Parenting with Love and Logic

Photo Credits:
Tantrum: Saad Aktar
Up the Slide: Kissy Face
Throwing Sand: CarbonNYC

In the lesson plans I include four or five songs for you to teach your child. Some of them aren’t actually singable, but are instead “finger-plays” – a type of chant, usually rhyming, and always using finger and hand motions. Twos and threes especially enjoy finger-plays – think of the “Ensy-Wensy Spider” if you’re still not sure what I’m talking about, although that one is set to music.

Any child can learn to sing! It is easier than learning to play violin or piano, and Dr. Suzuki’s method has shown the world thousands upon thousands of tiny children who have learned to play either instrument with sensitivity and beauty. Singing is as easy as talking – you just talk on pitch!

Here is a precious news cast about a seven year old girl who brings joy to the lives of others through her beautiful, God-given talent. ReverbNation places her at the top of the chart for Christian Gospel singers. She filmed a scene for a new movie due to be released next fall, “Machine Gun Preacher”, about a drug-dealer turned Christian, who dedicates the rest of his life to saving children in war-torn areas.

May you find your heart uplifted by this lovely little girl. I went straight to her website and ordered her CD for my mom!

May God bless you and your family,

Lorelei

Select an area in your yard for the sandbox. Place it towards the back of the yard, so much of the sand falls off your child’s shoes (or bare feet) and clothing before he makes it to the door. Place it where you can see it from a window, but not too close to the fence. Find an area that is mostly flat, and gets shade for part of the day, unless you are planning to build an awning over of the box.

Think BIG! Build the biggest box your budget and your yard will allow. Ten-feet square is a nice size for two or three children. Mark out the area, then remove the grass and dig down. Sinking the box down into the ground will help keep the sand in the box and not blowing around in your child’s eyes on a windy day. It also helps prevent grass from growing up through the sand. Once you’ve dug the area out, level it as best you can, then loosely spread landscape fabric and staple it into the ground. This allows water to drain, but blocks weeds from sprouting.

You can build your box walls out of boards, or landscape timbers, or landscape blocks, or old tractor tires, or old splash pools, or any other material you can think of that is not toxic to your children. (Do not use pressure treated lumber, for that reason!) You don’t even have to use any walls at all, but fill the dirt hole up with sand. However, most sandboxes do have wooden sides, and some even have wooden benches for little bodies to sit on.

Finally, fill the box with sand. Many recommend buying play sand in 50 pound bags. It would take a lot of bags to fill a large sandbox! Washed sand is the same thing as play sand, and can be bought in bulk. Washed sand is free from dust and debris, weighs about 2700 pounds per cubic yard, and is tan in color.

Most websites recommend covering the sandbox to prevent cats from dirtying it, but I always felt that covers were unwieldly and limited how much use the sandbox would see. Small children can’t move the cover by themselves. There are a number of cat deterrents that may work just as well.

1) electric fencing. If you have a tall backyard fence, then run a string of electric wire across the top of the fence out of your child’s reach. No cat will cross it.

2) Keep a non-cat friendly dog in the yard. However, although the dog might not mess in the sand, he will still leave calling cards somewhere in your child’s play area.

3) Scarecrow Sprinklers are motion sensitive and hooked up to a garden hose. They will blast unwanted pests with water, but not harm them. (Of course, teach your child to turn it off, or it will blast him, as well!)

4) Motion-activated pet deterrent uses a high-pitched sound and blast of air to send cats on their way, without water. Great for indoors, too.

5 Smells. Some smells are offensive to cats, even when humans can’t smell them at all, such as the wintergreen scent of Keep Away. Other homemade cat deterrent sprays use a variety of herbs and spices like lavendar, cayanne pepper, rosemary, or citronella. These sprays will last up to two weeks, but need to be reapplied regularly.

6) Texture. Cats don’t like to walk on certain bristly, rough-textured products like pine cones or gravel. You can surround your sandbox with a wide ring of shredded coconut shell mulch, and it may stop most cats.

If none of these methods work for you, then a web search should reveal more than fifty other options. Something will work. Of course, you could just cover your sandbox. I’d suggest screen instead of tarp for covering the box. You want the rain to wash the sand clean, rather than the damp dark tarp to keep the sand the right temperature and humidity for breeding bacteria.

Finally, you’ll want sandbox toys! Rotating the toys periodically will keep the interest level high. After spending all that time making the sandbox for your child, the best reward would be watching him enjoy it! So, for younger children, keep a supply of plastic measuring cups and spoons, small plastic cars, and play figurines will provide many hours of enjoyable, educational activity. As your child grows, add sand pails and sturdy shovels, then construction trucks like a dump truck and a steam shovel or back hoe. Children can bury things in the sand for scavenger hunts, or sculpt sand into interesting shapes with the addition of a little water. And sand can still be played with in the fall, even though the beaches are closed and it’s too cold to take off a jacket! There is a small window in the northern states when the sand simply freezes – effectively ending the sandy season for a little while.

Don’t forget, children model us. If you want your child to reap all the benefits of sand play, play with him in the sandbox! Once he sees how important you realize sand play is, he will play in the sand more. So what if he gets a little dirty? That before-bedtime bath is a great way to wind down from an exciting, educational day of play.

For further reading:
Sensory Play
Water Play
Working with Wood
Sand Castle

Photo Credits:
Top: amrufm
Middle: tammra
Bottom: bruno brujah

If your child already has a dog, wonderful! If you’re thinking about getting one, how about now? Otherwise, can you visit a friend who owns a dog? Does your community have a dog park? It would be a great place to go for a field trip, to see a wide variety of dogs and talk with the pet owners about how they take care of their pet.

We’re starting to add a few more concepts to each lesson- so this week we’ll also focus on the Diamond shape, the number four, and the color brown. Your child may practice writing the letter Dd on lined paper. If he is not yet ready for this, then he can try to form the shape of the letter Dd from play dough ropes. He will be counting to four, and sorting colors.

I hope you all have a great time this week!

“D is for Dog” lesson plans

Photo Credits: Top: by Vasile Tomoiagă Middle:GenBug Husky:Clyde Possum Golden Retriver: Sky Captain Two Dalmation: CuseGoyle West Highland Terrier:Randy son of Robert Basset Hound: Jelly Dude
	songs: How Much is That Doggie In the Window? There was a Farmer Had a Dog Oh where, Oh Where has my little dog Gone?
books and more: Harry the Dirty Dog Clifford, We Love You Biscuit Storybook Collection Milo and OtisDVD

Young children need between 13 and 14 hours of sleep daily. Generally, this works into about 11 hours at night and a 2 hour nap. I have heard many parents claim that if their child takes a nap, then he will not sleep at bedtime. Other parents say their child simply will not sleep at naptime, and they give up trying. Yet all you have to do is visit a day care center shortly after lunch and you will see that nearly every child is sound asleep. What is the difference?

The secret ingredient is… (drumroll, please) ROUTINE!

Day care teachers could never get all those children to sleep if it weren’t for routine. The better the day care, the more they stick to their routine. A daily routine helps a child to be hungry when it’s time to eat, and to be tired when it’s time to sleep. Sticking to a routine requires that a parent be disciplined. Disciplined parents have disciplined children, and the opposite is also true. Children will learn whatever behavior we model for them.

Your daily routine should begin at the same time every day. Whether you get up at 6:00 am or 9:00 am doesn’t matter as long as you do it every single day. You cannot change your schedule on the weekend. If you let your young child stay up late on Friday and Saturday night, you are guaranteeing that Monday morning is going to be horrendous. There is a lot of research that claims sleep in the earlier hours of the evening is more beneficial been sleeping late in the morning. The old adage, ” early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” may yet prove true.

So get a pen and paper and start to work on your routine. What time would you like your child to be asleep by every night. 11 hours later will be your approximate time to begin your daily routine. If you would like your child to be asleep by 8:00 PM every night, then his daily wake up time is 7:00 AM. It might be even better to plan his go to sleep time at 7:00 PM, but that depends on a number of other factors, such as older children in the home. It is important to note that if you want your child to be asleep by 8:00 PM, then his bedtime is actually 7:30 PM.

If you haven’t already created a bedtime routine, do it now. This is a series of events (usually five) that always take place every single evening right before bedtime. It generally takes about a half hour, and may include: bathtime, pajama time, story time, prayer time, and cuddles. For more on establishing a bedtime routine, read: Hassle-Free Bedtime.

Why am I stressing bedtime in an article about naps? Because the two go hand-in-hand. A child who is over-tired, over-stimulated, and resisting naps, is a child who needs more sleep at bedtime. To establish a good nap, you must also establish a consistent bedtime.

Okay, you have your ideal schedule, your bedtime routine, and when you would like your child to take a nap. Your child is eating regular, nutritious meals at about the same time every day. Now, you need to see that his morning includes a variety of activities, including some large-muscle activities outside. This does not mean that you have to amuse him! The young child has a fantastic imagination and a wealth of creative potential. You simply have to provide the tools and the time, and a safe environment. To see what sort of activities I do in the mornings with my granddaughter, you can read: Working with the Lesson Plans: Schedules

Your child went to sleep last night around 8:00 pm, and awoke full of energy this morning just before 7:00 am. He did some puzzles, ate breakfast, colored a picture in his journal. He played with his toys for ninety minutes while you got some work done. Then you took him outside to ride his trike while you jogged along beside him. He came in, washed up, and ate a healthy lunch. It is time for the culmination of all your hard work- The Nap!

Again, this is easier with a routine. It doesn’t need to be as long as the bedtime routine. My granddaughter goes potty, washes hands, and brushes her teeth. Then she takes off her shoes (if they are still on!) and selects TWO books from the pile we previously checked out of the library. She grabs a toy and a blanket, usually her baby doll named Sarah, and a small, flannel baby receiving blanket. Then she scrambles up onto my bed. Sometimes I take her back to her house to sleep in her crib at naptime, but during the day I feel it is okay for her to sleep in a “big bed”. For one, I’m not sleeping. I am awake and alert, and she is not going to get up and get into trouble while my back is turned.

I crawl into bed beside her and read both books. One story isn’t long enough for her to unwind, and any more than two just takes too long. I read two picture books. Then I let her look at them on her own for ten minutes. I want her to love books! I want her to feel that books are like best friends. I lay down beside her and I read for ten minutes, too, modeling the behavior I want her to learn. Of course, I usually read a paperback romance, and I’d rather she read the encyclopedia when she’s older… but that’s another story!

I give her a few count-down warnings. “You may look at books for six more minutes…. You may look at your books for two more minutes…” etc. (See Eliminating Tantrums, the count-down method. )Then, I take away her books.

Sometimes she whimpers. More so if it’s Monday morning, and her schedule was hectic on the weekend with her mom. She is tired, relaxed, and fed. She’s had plenty of exercise both physically and mentally. She will fall asleep.

At first, while you are teaching your child to sleep at nap time, you may need to rub his back or gently stroke his forehead with a loving, gentle touch. Maybe the first day you have to rub his back for thirty minutes. The second day maybe only twenty-nine minutes. Within a few weeks, his body will have adjusted. Research claims that it takes 21 days to create a new habit.

Love nap time! Your child can be most precious at this time of day. As you cuddle with him or her in those last moments before they drift off to sleep, you may hear the most amazing things come from their lips! One afternoon, my granddaughter patted my cheek with her plump little baby-girl fingers, and whispered, “You’re my best friend, gramma!”

Finally – don’t let nap time go on too long. There needs to be a time to get up! If you let your child sleep beyond the time you established in your schedule, you will make it harder for him to get to sleep at bedtime. Keep track of how much he sleeps. If he slept eleven hours last night, then he only needs between an hour and a half to two hours for nap. He may wake up sweetly with hugs and sunshine, or he may wake up crabby for a while. You need to let him establish this new routine, and then you can teach him “how to wake up.”

So what will you do with your nap time? Whatever you want! Plan for it, treasure it. Use this time as “you” time. Taking care of young children can be exhausting. Find what you need to do to “recharge” your batteries. If you have several children under the age of five, you may need to take a nap yourself. Maybe you’d really love to have a long, luxurious bubble bath and read a novel-without being interrupted by your young child! Just don’t fall into the routine of doing housework at this time. For one, your little one isn’t going to sleep through the sound of the refrigerator opening or the vacuum cleaner gobbling up legos. For another, housework really isn’t going to rejuvenate you and refresh you, so that you will be at your best when your little one wakes up.

There are a few other tricks you can use to make nap time run more smoothly – these, I feel are “extras” and not part of the basic package. Some parents like to get a special “nap time” blanket or bedroll or cot. Some parents dim the lights, play soft music, and rock their child. Some like to use a large timer, and set it where the child can see it, but not touch it – when the timer goes off, then the child may get up. I would urge you NOT to put your child down watching the television. That will keep your child awake. Maybe he will eventually fall asleep, but it will take much longer than necessary, and turn his mind to mush in the process .

For further reading:
The No-cry Nap Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parents Guide to Getting Your Child To Sleep by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivak
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth

Related Articles:
Common Bedtime Mistakes Parents Make
Play Areas for Encourage Creativity

Photo Credits:
Top:sdminor01
Middle: Courage Knight
Bottom: Courage Knight

How are your days, after you’ve managed to get your eyes to stay open? Are you doing what you love, and do you love what you’re doing? Do you feel successful, empowered, fulfilled?

Goal-setting is the key to a successful life. You can’t “get there” if you don’t know where “there” is!

Another part of goal-setting, though, is making positive affirmations. We all have enough negativity in our lives. Our parents and relatives may have started it, unknowingly, by telling us what we can’t do. Some of it was important – “you can’t run across the street without holding a grown-up’s hand.” Some of it was crippling – “you can’t do that, that’s absurd, who ever heard of a grown person doing that for a living!” Think carefully before you speak to your child. Allow him the pleasure of his dreams!

Being a positive person is as simple as deciding that you want to be a positive person. Whenever you feel a negative thought pop into your head, stop yourself! Consciously change your negative thought to a positive one. Then say three or four positive things in a row, and don’t forget to grin. Not just a wimpy little lift the corner of your lip half-smirk, but a big, wide, show-all-your teeth grin! Learn to embrace life, and to enjoy it! Your children will reap the benefits. They live by your example. They will learn to be positive thinkers. They will learn to set goals and not only achieve them, but far surpass them!

If you don’t think you know how to be positive, here is a little four-year-old girl to teach you. The first words she says are, “I can be a SARK.” There was a lot of discussion on the internet about what she meant by that. Some thought she was being imaginative, and saying she could be a “shark”, but her speech is actually very clear. I think she meant to say, “I can be a SARK.” SARK, or Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, is an author of several uplifting, positive thinking, self-empowering books for children and adults, including “Make Your Creative Dreams Real.”

So, watch this adorable video. Read great books, and fill your life with uplifting, encouraging, positive friends. Limit the time you spend around the nay-sayers in your life, for they will only drag you down. You owe it to yourself to live life fully and abundantly.

Great books to read:
The Holy Bible
Make Your Creative Dreams Real
Succulent Wild Woman
SARK’s Journal and PlayBook
The Secret
See You At the Top

A great website, to learn more about setting goals and achieving them:
www.goalsmentor.com