Here is a lovely ballad to motherhood. If you are a mom, or you have a mom, take a moment to enjoy it. Then share it with your friends. The first one is the official version sung by Anita Renfroe. The second one scrolls the lyrics across the screen, because a song this good is certainly worth an encore!

It’s that time of year again, when tombstones and ghouls invade the neighborhood, replacing the cheerful colors of the summer past with death’s darker theme in orange and black. I have not celebrated Halloween for twenty-six years, and I barely endured the holiday before that. When my children were very young, I thought I’d be a good mommy and do the deed. I sewed cute costumes for them. The kindergartner was a rabbit, the four-year-old a lion, and the toddler was a teddy bear. I bought candy for my husband to hand out to the neighborhood, while I trudged through freshly fallen snow with my small troop. My son wouldn’t keep his jacket zippered, though, because lions don’t wear jackets. The next day, all three were sick in bed, and my son wound up with pneumonia.

Personal views aside, just what is Halloween, and what does it teach our children? Is it really a harmless custom, allowing the children to dress up and engage in make-believe? Or could it be more sinister? If I were to write a lesson plan for Halloween, what concepts would the children be learning? Perhaps, my list might include…

Concepts Children May Learn from Halloween

• People die and are buried in the ground.
• We put tombstones on the grave to mark the place.
• We write irreverent poems on the tombstones.
• Ghosts and goblins haunt cemeteries.
• Black cats are a sign something bad is going to happen.
• Some people turn into vampires when they die, and drink blood.
• Witches are ugly and cast spells on us.
• Some witches eat children. (Remember Hansel and Gretel?)
• It’s okay to knock on the doors of strangers and beg.
• It’s okay to take candy from a stranger.

Now, is there anything on that list that you actually want your child to learn?

Research Suggests Halloween is Scarier Than You Think

Dr. Cynthia Dell Clark, Associate and Fellow of the Center for Children and Childhood Studies, conducted a three-year study on the effects of Halloween on young children. She writes that parents underestimate the effect of Halloween horror on young children. While we realize that it is all just make-believe, young children have a harder time differentiating between imaginary and real.

And Halloween is definitely getting scarier! When we were children, costumes were usually home-made. We dressed up like characters in books or cartoons. You might have met Superman, Snow White, and Rin Tin Tin knocking on your door. These days, vampires and zombies far outnumber the more benign beings. That young children even know what vampires or zombies are, is something I find unbelievably tragic.

The CDC reports that children are four times more likely to be hit by a car on Halloween than any other time of the year. Children have also been known to suffer eye injuries from their costumes, or burns from flammable costumes. Some face paints have been found to be toxic, yet masks pose a greater threat by obstructing the child’s vision.

When I taught in public school, children start anticipating Halloween as soon as the costumes and candy went on display – around the middle of September. The school encouraged it, with teaching Halloween songs and poems, writing and reading Halloween stories, and talking about what to be for the party. By the time the last week of October rolled around, the children were so wound up, that very little education actually took place. Finally, we dismissed them on Friday afternoon, so they could spend the weekend on a sugar-high, often with the non-custodial parent.

Then, right away in November, we began the cycle again with Thanksgiving songs and poems, Thanksgiving stories to read or write, and a Thanksgiving party to plan. When December arrived, no one had much enthusiasm or energy left to handle Christmas. Santa Claus got a little attention, Jesus got none, and we all looked forward to January when “life could return to normal”.

So before you do your share to contribute to the shaky economy by purchasing quantities of candy and costumes, just step back and reflect for a few moments. Is this something you really want your child to learn?

Relating Reading Material:

• Who Is Raising Your Child: Battling the Marketeers for Your Child’s Heart and Soul by Laura J. Buddenburg, Kathleen M. McGee
• “Mommy, I’m Scared”: How TV and Movies Frighten Children and What We Can Do to Protect Them by Joanne Cantor PH.D.
  
• Satan, You Can;t Have My Children: The spiritual warfare guide for every parent by Iris Delgado
  
• The Anxiety Cure for Kids: A Guide for Parents by Elizabeth DuPont Spencer, Robert L. Dupon, Caroline M. DuPont

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Dkprincess6
Middle: photo by Paul Stumper
Bottom: photo by Andre Chinn

Establishing a bedtime routine will make bedtime easier for both you and your young child. By having a routine, your child is far more likely to be sleepy when his head hits the pillow. The routine alerts his subconscious mind that it is time to unwind. The right bedtime routine can help him to calm down and send him off to dreamland with happy thoughts. So what constitutes a bedtime routine? And how long will it take before it is automatic?

Five Steps until Bedtime

A good number of steps for any preschool activity is five, because the child has five fingers. You can teach your child the steps, and have him count down on his hand. When he gets to zero, it’s time to climb beneath the covers. This simple activity can help the child understand the one-to-one correspondence necessary before simple addition and subtraction can be learned. It also helps prepare him for the impending deadline.

Step One: Pick up Toys

This is a good step to begin any bedtime routine. It teaches the child to take care of his possessions. By picking up his toys at night, he is making his environment clean and safe. His toys will be where he can find them later for another great day of play. It also says, “time for play is over.” However, the preschool child is not mature enough to complete this task on his own. Depending on the level of mess he has created, he will need your help to complete the task.

If you scold your child repeatedly to hurry up and finish cleaning, what kind of dreams do you think he will have? Do you imagine that he will slip sweetly into sleep as soon as you kiss him good-night? This is not the time for impatience. The words you give your child now will stay with him all night long. You want the last thoughts on his conscious mind to be of love and acceptance. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Roll the tension from your shoulders. Just think – in thirty minutes, your child will be asleep, and you will be free to do the things you want to do. So, get down on the floor and help your child pick up his toys!

You can make it a game. “I’ll pick up the red toys and you can pick up the blue ones. Who will get done first?” If picking up takes too long, start earlier tomorrow night, or have several pick-up times throughout the day. Put some of your child’s toys away in a closet out of reach and rotate them. He doesn’t have to have every toy he owns at his disposal. Most children own too many toys anyway. Help him manage his mess by limiting the things he can get into.

Step Two: Bath Time

Many families like to have a bath before bedtime as part of their routine. This is especially important in the summer time when children play outside more, with more skin exposed. They just don’t get quite as dirty when they are bundled in snowsuits and the ground is frozen. But the bath is more than just an opportunity to get clean. Water play is educational, as well.

Filling containers with water helps the child develop eye-hand coordination. He learns basic mathematical concepts, like “empty, full, light, heavy,” and “how many”. How many cups will it take to fill the larger container? How many capsful will it take to fill the empty shampoo bottle?

Playing in water can also be very soothing. It’s a great way to begin unwinding after a busy day. Set a timer, though. Otherwise, your child will quickly learn that the longer he can draw out bathtime, the longer he can postpone the inevitable. Fifteen minutes is generally long enough to eliminate the dirt and a few extra wiggles. If possible, put Daddy in charge of bathtime, and it will be extra fun. Daddy and child can share this calm, bonding experience, while you have fifteen minutes to yourself.

Step Three: Pajamas

The water has drained out of the tub, and the tub toys have been stacked into a special bin or net where the water can drain (so they don’t grow moldy). Your child is wrapped in a big, fluffy bathsheet, and the last drops of water have been kissed away. Now it’s time to help him put on his pajamas. Even if he can dress himself, you can help him with this step. Supervise, at least, so he doesn’t create the exciting new game of streaking through the house stark naked. Then, it’s time to brush teeth. This activity should be supervised, as well. Preschoolers are too young to do a thorough job. You can set a timer yet again for three minutes, and encourage your child to brush until the timer dings.

Step Four: Story Time

All bedtime routines should end with a story! Reading aloud to your child is the single most important thing you can do to create a good student in school. It is far better to read to him, than to teach him the alphabet. It is more important to read to him, than tell him a hundred times a day that you love him. When you read, you hold your child close. He can hear your heart beating. He can feel your comforting arms around him. Sleepy now, his eyes may droop to the comforting sound of your voice. He will learn to love books, and when he goes to school, he is far more likely to be motivated to learn. Always read to your child. Two books a day minimum! If you must punish your child by removing a privilege, remove anything else, but don’t skip out on this. You’re in luck that public libraries offer so many books for free! And preschoolers do love to hear the same stories over and over, so the books you buy will get well used.

Step Five: Hugs and Kisses

The last thing you say to your child will stick with him all through the night. It is imperative that you make these moments count. Even if he’s been pushing your buttons all day long, make the effort to be patient and loving. He will fall asleep faster, and perhaps have happier dreams. Tuck him in bed. Give him butterfly kisses (batting your eyelashes against his face) or “Eskimo” kisses (rubbing noses together). Some families use the last moments before sleep to teach their child to pray. Even in non-religious families, you can develop a bedtime habit of recounting the day’s adventures and thinking about friends and loved ones.

Some children require more effort to unwind. If your’s is a highly active child, or has had an exceptionally busy day, you may want to rub his back for five minutes. This soothing touch has helped day care providers get thousands of wiggly little bodies to fall asleep swiftly at day care centers around the world. It takes only a few minutes, and is far more effective than scolding the child for an hour to settle down and go to sleep.

That’s it. At each step, have your child say the step, do the step, and count down on his fingers. After the fifth step is completed, leave the room. You might turn on a nightlight, or leave the door open an inch or two. Do not get in the habit of turning on a television. Studies have shown that people who sleep with a tv on do not get sound sleep, and take longer to fall asleep than those who sleep without it. The same can be said for music. You could put on a music CD of lullabies or classical music, but do not put it on replay. Just play it once through, then allow silence to fill the room. The exception could be if you live in an area with a lot of noise, like a big apartment complex with narrow walls, or next to a train station, then you might resort to a white noise machine that helps to block the noise.

Eliminate Interruptions

Make it a rule that there will be no more sips of water, no more stories, no more talking, no more anything after the five bedtime steps have been completed. His last chance for water was when he brushed his teeth. He has no more need for water. The body does not need water through the night. On the contrary, it needs to fast. The digestive system needs to finish working on digestion, and then it goes into repair mode. People who eat late night snacks prevent their own bodies from repairing damaged cells, and can create poor health.

Twenty-One Days to a New You

Studies have shown that it takes twenty-one days to make a new routine a habit. Try it yourself! You know you should floss every night, but few people do. Make it a requirement for twenty-one days. If you remember after you went to bed, get up and do it anyway. After three weeks, it will become habit, and you won’t even have to think about it. So, create your own five-step bedtime routine, or use the one mentioned here. Commit yourself to following it for twenty-one days, and you may be pleasantly surprised at how much easier bedtime becomes for you and your preschool child.

Related Articles:
What NOT to Do at Bedtime
Training Your Child to Sleep through the Night
Great Books for Toddlers and Preschoolers

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Lexie49
Middle: photo by Sally McCabe
Bottom: photo by Sean Dreilinger

Thumbs are such cute little digits! They are not straight and boney like fingers, or scrawny and wrinkly like toes. Thumbs are nice and plump and rounded, and shaped almost exactly like a pacifier! They just naturally seem to fit in the mouth. Frankly, at times, I’m sorry that I ever gave up thumb-sucking, as it can have such a calming effect. Instead, many adults opt to rely on medication, alcohol or cigarette smoking to deal with life’s stressful bumps.

When do Children Start Thumb-Sucking?

Some babies begin sucking their thumb in the womb. Most infants will suck a thumb of finger between birth and about six months of age. Parents may prefer to encourage the child to suck on a pacifier instead, as they think that it is less likely to cause dental problems, and it will be easier to break the habit one day. After all, you can’t just throw the thumb out, like you can do with the collection of pacifiers.

Why Children Suck Their Thumbs

Babies have a natural urge to suck. It’s part of their survival instinct, along with their instinct to cry. No one has to teach them these behaviors, it just comes naturally. When they cry, a basic need is met. They are fed, or changed, or held, or made more comfortable by adding or removing clothing. When babies suck, they receive nourishment from either a breast or bottle, but they also receive comfort. A parent or caregiver holds the baby (propping the bottle is not a safe or recommended practice) while feeding them, often rocking the child, and maybe singing softly. As the child is fed, the child becomes calm, and may even fall asleep. So some children, when they are anxious, suck a thumb to self-calm themselves. Even though they do not receive nourishment, they still feel comforted.

Is Thumb-Sucking Wrong?

No! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a young child sucking his or her thumb! Doctors and dentists agree that it is best not to try to break the child of the habit before age five. After kindergarten, it may be a good idea to work with the child to help him or her break the habit themselves, but only if the child is willing. Most children quit sucking their thumbs on their own by the time they are seven or eight years old.

Won’t Thumb-Sucking Damage My Child’s Teeth?

Maybe. Not necessarily. The child can generally suck his thumb for four or five years without causing permanent damage. Some children are very aggressive suckers, so much so that they rub blisters on their thumbs and the roof of their mouth. They are more at risk for creating dental problems. Even then, sometimes the dental problem fixes itself as soon as the sucking stops.

Thumb suckers may also develop a lisp when talking, having difficulty pronouncing certain letters, like “T” or “D”. However, lisping also occurs among children who do not suck their thumbs.

Won’t The Other Children Poke Fun of My Child?

Preschool children are still in the learning stage when it comes to behavior. They won’t poke fun of a child for sucking his thumb, unless someone has taught them to do so. It is up to the parent or caregiver to teach the young child to respect the feelings of others. You can talk with your child about his thumb-sucking habit. You can encourage him to suck his thumb only at home, but in the end, you may not always be around him to remind him of the rule. It is at the times when he is away from you – visiting a friend or going to a new Preschool – when he is more likely to need the comfort his thumb provides.

But Thumb-Sucking is Such a Dirty Habit!

If you’ve read my posts before, you know how I feel about dirt. Children need it. They should be allowed to dig in it, roll in it, play in it, maybe even eat a little of it. That is how they learn. I also believe that young children need to be taught how to wash their hands, and when to wash them. If your little thumb-sucker’s dirty thumb bothers you, keep a bottle of handi-wipes around and periodically swab the offending digit.

My Friends and Relatives Keep Telling Me My Child is Too Old to Suck His Thumb

How you raise your child is your affair. Telling friends and family to keep their opinion to themselves can be difficult, but it is better to hurt their feelings than your child’s. They are grown-ups, after all, and will get over it. If they don’t, you might suggest they try sucking their thumb, too.

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Angie M. Photography
Middle: photo by Dawnzy58
Bottom: photo by Spiritinme

How much sleep do you get? How much does your child get? Is it enough? Do you know how much sleep is enough sleep? Why is sleep so important? Once you realize how important this basic need is, you will want to ensure that everyone in your family is getting enough.

Lack of Sleep Linked to Obesity

There are studies that show new moms are able to get into their skinny jeans faster if they get plenty of sleep. There are studies that show a high correlation between infants who sleep only twelve hours a day as opposed to the required 14 or more, are twice as likely to be obese by age three. Not overweight – but obese! Obesity is a major health concern, as being obese increases your risk of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, gallstones, respiratory problems and certain cancers.

Lack of Sleep Linked to Depression

There is a strong correlation between lack of sleep and depression, although it is not known if insomnia causes depression or is a result of it. Normal sleep is restorative. Lack of sleep causes fatigue, leading to increased tension and irritability. When you are fatigued, you exercise less, which creates a vicious cycle of inactivity and sleep disturbance with resulting poor health.

Lack of Sleep Linked to Heart Disease

People who get less than seven hours of sleep every night have higher levels of plaque in their blood. Too little sleep raises cortisol levels, which fuels inflammation and destabilizes plaque. When plaque ruptures, it can block a blood vessel. If it blocks a blood vessel in the brain, it causes a stroke. If it blocks a blood vessel in the heart, it causes a heart attack. Although sleep deprivation is not the only cause of heart disease, it is important enough that getting adequate sleep should be part of every heart patient’s total health care program.

Lack of Sleep Causes ADHD

A recent study found that children who got less sleep than their peers were twice as likely to have behavior problems in school, including aggression, inability to concentrate or focus – all behaviors of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The study also confirmed that while adults tend to act sluggish and groggy when they are overtired, children do the opposite. They speed up. The overactive youngster bouncing off the walls is not one that needs more physical exercise, but one that needs more sleep. This is a growing concern, as American children are getting on average one hour of sleep less per night than thirty years ago.

Lack of Sleep Causes Death

There, that’s pretty blunt! Lack of sleep causes so many health issues, that if you continue to deny yourself the restorative benefits of sleep, you shorten your life significantly. The study used 1.3 million people from all around the world, and found an unequivocal relationship between lack of sleep and premature death.

How Much Sleep We Need

Adults need between 7 – 9 hours of sleep every night. Only one on four Americans gets enough sleep on a week night, while about fifty percent get enough sleep on weekends. Still, for you to achieve the full restorative effect of sleep, you need to get enough of it every night. A new bed won’t make you sleep better. Some people sleep just fine on the floor. It is all about habits. Establish a good sleep habit, and stick to it.

Infants need 14 or more hours of sleep per day. Toddlers and preschoolers need 12-14 hours of sleep. School age children need about 10-11 hours of sleep, with teens still needing at least nine hours of sleep per night. Count backwards from what time your child needs to get up in the morning, to find the right bedtime – but remember to add a half an hour for falling asleep. So, if your preschooler needs to be up by six, so you can get him dressed, fed, and ready to go wherever, and he gets 11 hours of sleep at night (and a two hour nap), count back eleven and a half hours, which makes six-thirty his bedtime. By going to bed at six-thirty, he should be able to be asleep by seven, giving him his necessary eleven hours.

Do the same for yourself. If you need to get up by five o’clock in order to get everyone up, dressed, fed, and off to wherever they have to be, and you need eight hours of sleep, count backwards eight and a half hours, giving you a bedtime of eight-thirty. Sound absurd? How many grown-ups do you know who go to bed before midnight? Maybe you’re already thinking, “How can I get all my work done, if I spend that much time asleep?”

But instead, maybe you should be thinking, “How much more productive will I be, if I am healthier? If I can concentrate better while I’m at work?” Imagine if you never had to take a sick-day off work because either you or your child was under the weather?

There are five basic steps for optimal health. Getting enough sleep is just the first step. I will cover each one individually over the next few days. This post is for your information. If you want to teach your child about health, check out the activities for Health Week.

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Linda Aslund
Middle: photo by Brian Fitzgerald
Bottom: photo by Toshimasa Ishibashi

Sources:

• Neihmond, Patti. “Lack of Sleep Linked to Later Weight Gain in Babies”. Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine. April 11, 2008.
• Stein, Rob. “Scientists Finding Out What Lack of Sleep Does to a Body”. Washington Post. October 9, 2005.
• Park, Alice. “Lack of Sleep Linked to Heart Problems”. Time Magazine. December 23, 2008.

The January Blues is a milder form of depression often referred to as “Cabin Fever”. You and your child may begin to feel trapped inside your home – no matter how lovely it is. You dream of summer beaches, picnics, cook-outs, fishing, and spending time with your family. Guess what? You can do all those things in the winter, too! The main cause of January Blues (If you live in the northern hemisphere) is a lack of sunlight.

I always wonder at people who hate the winter but live where it snows. Seems to me they have two choices: Move someplace warmer, or learn to enjoy the snow. To continue to live where you are unhappy should not even be an option! For your own mental health, and that of your family, do something about this today. This article and the next will help you learn ways to break the chains that imprison you.

Get Outside and Enjoy the Weather

The first rule to enjoying winter is to dress warmly. You cannot enjoy yourself if you are shivering. I covered the importance of long underwear and layering in an earlier article, Getting Ready for Winter. Another tip is to try to stay dry. As soon as your clothing gets wet, you can get chilled. So don’t sit directly on the snow. Sit on a plastic sled or tarp, unless your stay outside will be brief.

The second rule is to get a minimum of 20 minutes of sunshine on as much skin as you can bare, daily, which seems to contrast with rule number 1. You do not want to get chilled, but if it’s not windy and you can take off your hat, scarf or mittens for a little bit, do so. Lift your face to the sun. Go outside at noon, when the sun is brightest – which is the opposite of summer warnings, when you need to avoid the sun’s more direct damaging rays. I was very fortunate in one home to have an inner atrium that was completely protected on four sides. It was a small space – about fourteen feet square – that was exposed to the sun but not the wind. I could sit out there in a swimming suit at noon in February! At least, some of the time. I don’t know why more homes aren’t built like that, other than the fact it was terribly inefficient to heat.

Take Your Child Sledding

This is the most basic winter activity. As soon as a child sees the first snowflakes falling, he’s already dreaming of long sled rides, massive snowmen, incredible snowball fights, playing King of the Mound, or making Snow Ice Cream. Rediscover your own inner joy at the change of the seasons! Get yourself a snowsuit. Next time you take your child to the hill, don’t just stand there and watch. Hop on the sled with him and enjoy yourself! Don’t tell me you’re too old. Norman Vaughn is said to have competed in the Iditarod at the age of 100. Min Bahadur Sherchan climbed Mount Everest at 76, and Sue Oldham swam the English Channel at 61. Age is relative. You’re as old as you think you are. Play with your children, and discover your own fountain of youth.

Picnics Are Great in the Winter Too

Take a picnic! You can get fancy, packing charcoal briquettes and grilling hamburgers, or make it easy and pack thermoses of soup and cocoa. Bring a broom to sweep off the picnic table and slides. Roast marshmallows around the glowing coals. (Bring your own hand wipes, because the park bathrooms are usually closed.) Feed the ducks (cracked corn is better than stale white bread). Slides are just as much fun in the winter, and even slippery-er with snowpants on.


Take Up a Winter Sport As a Family

Discuss the possibilities in your area, and chose at least one as a family. There is a lot to chose from, including ice skating, snowboarding, cross-country or downhill skiing, mushing, snow shoeing, ice fishing, and winter camping. If its skating, get everyone skates. Once a week, minimum, head out to the skating rink together and practice. You can read picture books to your youngsters about ice skating. Watch skating movies. Get yourself a cute little skating outfit. Enjoy it!

Continue Your Summer Sports Training with a Club Membership

If you have a summer sport you really enjoy, such as cycling or swimming, you can keep that up, thanks to the spread of indoor gym facilities. We recently joined the YMCA in our city, which is very reasonably priced. They have swimming lessons all winter long, and plenty of open-swim times so we can practice between lessons. There are cycling classes, badminton classes, even family karate classes. The benefit to training all winter long, is that you’ll be in shape to enjoy your summer sport that much more once the snow melts.

Air Out Your Home Frequently

We make our homes air-tight to save on heating costs in the winter, but that can lead to poor indoor air quality. Periodically open a window for a bit to bring in fresh air. Vacuum often, replace furnace filters, wash sheets and bedding at least once a week and use dust mite covers, air out or clean mold-prone areas of the home, and keep plenty of houseplants. Not only will they freshen the air, but they might give you an emotional boost as well with their fresh, spring-like colors. Take a Vacation Someplace Warm If your blues get really bad, or happen every year about the same time, you might consider making a vacation to a sunny beach part of your family tradition. Whether you chose a condo in Miami, or a local motel with a heated swimming pool and water slides, do something warm, wet and wonderful together.

Houseplants Help Improve Indoor Air Quality

Fix Up the Cabin

Finally, if you just have to be stuck inside your “cabin” during the height of cabin fever, then fix it up. Make a change. Paint some walls or rearrange the furniture. Get rid of stuff to create more space. Sew some new curtains. Shampoo the carpets. Hang some new artwork. Anything you can do to spruce up your home will help you to enjoy the time you spend there. And if you’re happy, your entire family will be happier.

Related Reading
Getting Ready for Winter
Ten Snow Day Activities for Children
Ten Rainy Day Activities for Children

Credits:
Sad Boy: photo by Kevin Pack
Sledding: photo by Chris Sampson
Winter Picnic: photo by Timo Newton-Syms
Houseplants: photo by Jennifer Feuchter

Many people suffer depression in the winter months, and children are not immune. Some call it “Seasonal Adjustment Disorder”, a type of depression believed to be caused by the shortened days and a lack of sunshine. Others may be suffering from post-holiday stress. Any prolonged feelings of sadness, hopelessness or worthlessness should be treated by a health care professional.

Depression in Early Childhood

Prior to the 1980s, psychiatrists did not believe that depression could affect teenagers. They believed that teens were too “psychologically immature” to suffer from adult feelings of guilt and worthlessness. Now teenage depression is widely accepted. In the early 1990s some psychiatrists began to wonder if preschoolers could suffer depression, but it wasn’t until the Clinton Administration’s Conference on Early Childhood Development and Learning that interest in studying preschool depression increased.

The sad truth is that preschoolers can be clinically depressed. Depression is characterized by feeling sad. According to an article by the National Institute of Mental Health, “Children who are depressed may pretend to be sick, refuse to go to school or cling to a parent.” I’m thinking – “And how is this different from any normal three-year-old?” As a preschool teacher, I often saw young children cling to their parents in the morning. Some would cry or complain of stomach aches, and they didn’t want to go to preschool! Since I doubt they all were suffering from depression, how can parents tell the difference?

Whether a child is just feeling sad or suffering from depression is a matter of degree. The blues will pass after a few days or up to a week. The term depression is for extended periods of sadness lasting two weeks or more. Other symptoms of depression may include:

• Irritability or anger
• continual feelings of sadness or hopelessness
• social withdrawal
• increased sensitivity to rejection
• changes in appetite- increased or decreased
• changes in sleep – increased or decreased
• vocal outbursts and crying
• difficulty concentrating
• fatigue and low energy
• physical complaints – stomach ache, headache, that do not respond to treatment
• reduced ability to function during events, with friends and family
• feelings of worthlessness and guilt
• impaired thinking or concentration
• thoughts of death or suicide

Recognizing depression in preschoolers is much trickier than the older child or adult. Preschoolers are more naturally buoyant. Their moods swing frequently throughout the day, and they are unable to express their thoughts and feelings. Often, the depressed preschooler is the “good” child, the “wheel that doesn’t squeak”. One four-year-old, who was later diagnosed with depression, was that good child. He was empathetic and obedient, but he didn’t seem to find much enjoyment. He didn’t run around like other children. He didn’t get excited about going to Disney Land, and said, “Mickey lies. Dreams don’t come true.” He didn’t like to do anything if he couldn’t do it perfectly and got very upset when he made mistakes. He was often bored, and complained that nothing was fun. He was often draggy, super whiny, and seemed like he was in pain. Again, this is a matter of degree, as many preschoolers will have days like this!

Preschoolers can experience feelings of sadness, even though they may not yet understand emotions. Depression affects the degree to which this sadness is expressed. Imagine two young children trying to tie their shoes without success. One preschooler struggles, then asks a teacher for help. The other preschooler, frustrated, throws his shoe across the room. He may hit himself, or degrade himself, saying things like, “I’m stupid.”

Depressed preschoolers are often misdiagnosed. They may respond to depression differently than adults, becoming restless, hyperactive or irritable, and misdiagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) or ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). The risk of depression in preschoolers is much higher if one or both parents are depressed.

Treatment for Depression in Preschoolers

Young children should NOT be given medication for depression. The drugs have not been tested for them. However, depression can have serious effects on their development if left untreated. A child with low self-esteem and low energy will not push himself to do well in school. Psychotherapy may be the best option. For preschoolers, this would be “play therapy”. Using toys and puppets, the mental health care professional can help the young child learn to express himself, and improve his negative emotions.

It is important to realize that no one is to blame. Parents cannot blame their child’s depression on something they did or did not do. Preschoolers are seldom depressed about bad things or stressful events. Depression is a mental disorder that is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The causes of the chemical imbalance are not fully known, but can be linked to certain personality traits, medical conditions, and diet. Children who are obese, or deficient in vitamins B 12 and folic acid are more at risk for depression.

To depression-proof your child, help him to develop a positive self image. Teach him how to express his feelings, and reassure him that negative feelings are “okay”. Teach him how to deal with his feelings. Make sure he has a well-balanced diet that is high in fresh raw fruits and vegetables, and that he gets adequate exercise to prevent obesity. Teach him that it is okay to ask for help. And most of all, if you believe that you may be depressed, get the help you need now, before it affects your child.

Related Articles:
Breaking the Nail Biting Habit
Laughter, the Best Medicine
When to Say “No!”

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Mike Krzeszak
Middle: photo by Woodley Wonderworks
Bottom: photo by Nicholas Kennedy Sitton

Sources:
* “Depression in Children”, www.Medicine.net, accessed January 5, 2011

* “Child Depression and Adolescent Depression,” The National Institute of Mental Health. Accessed January 6, 2011.

These are what I consider the best in Children’s Literature. These are the stories I read to my children, and now to my grandchildren. Some are stories I heard as a child. Fully ninety percent of the books I see in the libraries and in book stores for kids today are what I’d consider truly garbage. Yuck! Ugly pictures, stupid stories – we do not need to talk “down” to children! If you can’t find these books in your library, then I strongly suggest you add them to your Christmas and Birthday shopping lists. These are the stories that your child will want to hear again and again. The best way to raise a reader- read to them often. Read to them great books. Provide great books at home. Libraries are great, but children will want to own their own copies of their favorites so they can return to them again and again.

Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel by Virginal Lee Burton. Actually, I will list anything by this author. She wrote a number of children’s books – some of them Caldecott Award winners – for her own two boys. This story is a classic, timeless tale of a man, his trusty steam-shovel, and the work they do. As progress makes steam shovels obsolete, Mike and Mary Ann work together to find a solution. Written in 1939, this book has it all, “heroes and happy endings, lively illustrations, and a dash of nostalgia for extra charm.” (quoted from the publisher’s website). The publisher is currently offering extended activities for this story. You can click here for the website to download the activity sheets. I looked through the activities, and would recommend them for older preschool children, kindergarten, and even first grade. Her other books include Katy and the Big Snow and The Little House. Of course, if you’re going to buy Mike Mulligan for your little one, you might want to get a steam shovel from Tonka to go with it! Pairing a toy with a book is a great way to grow a book-lover.

Corduroy by Don Freeman. This charming story is about a Teddy Bear who wants to go home with a little girl. During the night he explores the store, looking for his lost button. He has a great imagination, is a warm and friendly character and one that small children can certainly relate to. In the morning when the girl returns to the store to buy him, he realizes that she must be a friend. He always wanted a friend! There is a sequel to this story, A Pocket for Corduroy, which is just as cute. (You can get the book Corduroy with a matching Teddy Bear.

Sand Cake by Frank Asch. Papa Bear amuses Baby Bear during an afternoon at the beach. Warm, family relationships, cute story, charming pictures. This author is very prolific! Most of his work is excellent. I especially recommend Popcorn, Milk and Cookies, and Bread and Honey.

But No Elephants by Jerry Smath. This is a silly story, but adorable. The kids love it. Just the right mix of humor, lively illustrations, and caring, compationate characters. Check out other books by this author, as well. He wrote and illustrated 40 books, and illustrated a hundred more.

The Mitten by Alvin Tresselt, illustrated by Yaroslova. I mention the illustrator, as well, because this story is a classic Ukranian folk tale, and there are other versions available. This is the best of them all. A little boy is out fetching wood for his family, but loses a mitten. A woodland mouse finds it, and makes a home in it. The mitten stretches and stretches as more animals climb in beside the mouse to escape the cold. Jan Brett, a fantastic illustrator, also did a version of this book, but the story isn’t quite as charming. Alvin Tresselt has done many other books, as well, including White Snow, Bright Snow, and Wake Up, Farm!

Annie and the Wild Animals by Jan Brett. She is absolutely the best illustrator! Her pictures are detailed and colorful. Her intricate boarders add little clues about “what happens next” before you turn the page. I’d buy her books just to look at the pictures. However, as far as stories go, they are somewhat lacking. This one, though, is the exception. I loved Annie and the Wild Animals, and so did my children. My copy is in the mail – can’t wait to see my grandchild’s face on Christmas Day! We do own Brett’s The Three Snow Bears. It’s okay as far as story goes. We love it, because we also run sled dogs. Here is a Jan Brett treasury of board books, for younger children.

Strega Nona by Tomie dePaola. “Strega Nona” means Grandma Witch, the title the people in the village have given an old woman. She is not a scary sort of witch, though. She can cure headaches, help girls find husbands, and get rid of warts. Big Anthony comes to work for her, and gets into mischief. It is a delightful story, the illustrations are perfect. This is a Caldecott Honor book, and well-deserving! One reviewer even suggested that children who grew up loving this tale became Harry Potter fans. Interesting concept. Another reviewer compared this tale to Disney’s Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and said that this one was less frightening. I just know that I loved reading it to my children. You really have to like the books you buy for them, as you will have to read them at least a hundred times each. You can safely buy ANY book by Tomie dePaola, and know you are getting a classic. I especially recommend Tomie dePaola’s Book of Bible Stories, The Clown of God, The Miracles of Jesus and Mother Goose.

The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats. I didn’t care for this story as much as my kids did. I thought the story was a little bare, as were the pictures. A little boy goes outside to play in the snow. He puts a snowball in his pocket to keep it safe, and when he goes inside, it melts. On the other hand, this book would probably appeal to a much younger crowd – ones, twos, and young threes. If your child does enjoy this book, you make want to check out Keats’ other stories, especially Peter’s Chair, Whistle for Willie, and A Pet Show.

Caps for Sale, by Esphyr Slobodkina.I loved this story! Another classic tale retold, a man’s caps are stolen by some monkeys. He tries everything to get his caps back, but not until he gets so angry that he takes off his own hat and throws it on the ground, do the monkeys comply. A cute, monkey-see, monkey-do theme. This story is fun to read, if you make a fist and imitate the poor salesman. It can generate a discussion about emotions, as well – anger, frustration, etc. This is really a story worth owning. It’s been around for more than fifty years!

The Story About Ping, by Marjorie Flack. This one is a must-have. Ping is a young duck with a huge family on the yellow waters of the Yangtzie River. Ping gets separated from his family, has some adventures, and eventually finds his way back home safely. Colorful and charming, this classic tale is a must-have.

Tkiki Tikki Tembo, by Arlene Mosel. This is a great retelling of a classic Chinese folktale about why the Chinese give their children short names. The older brother in the story had a great, long name. Children love the rhythm of this story, and will repeat the long name with you over and over. “Tiki Tiki tembo, No Sa Rembo, Chari-bari Ruchi, Pip Peri Pembo”. Poor little Chang is quite out of breath as he runs for help, to inform his mother that his brother is at the bottom of the well. This book is a perfect read-aloud. Don’t get this story confused with “Riki Tiki Tavi” – a story for older children by Rudyard Kipling.

Make Way for Ducklings, by Robert McCloskey. There’s an excellent review of this book at Amazon.com, by a Professor Donald Mitchell. I’d almost forgotten this story, but it was one I read to my children often. It talks about parental love and concern for keeping their children safe. It was based on a true story, I believe. One day in Boston a family of ducks were trying to cross a busy street to get to the pond in the park, and the police got out to hold up traffic for them. Get yourself a copy, and share it with your children. There are even used copies available, which surprised me. Most kids wear this book out. The gold circle on the cover is a “Caldecott Award” – awarded annually for the “most distinguished American picture book for children.” Robert McCloskey has several other titles that are charming. I especially like “Blueberries for Sal” because I remember picking blueberries as a child.

The Little Engine that Could, by Watty Piper. I don’t know if this story even needs a review – who can’t remember it? The little engine had a big load to carry to all the good boys and girls, but he had to go over a tall mountain. He only made it by sheer determination, chanting “I think I can, I think I can, ” as he slowly made his way. A good lesson story, with bright, colorful pictures. I did think the “good little girls and boys” phrase got a little sappy halfway through the book, but you have the right to skip words and phrases when you read – your child isn’t going to know! Until, that is, it’s a favorite of his. Then he’ll know it better than you and he’ll remind you when you miss something.

The Story of Ferdinand, by Munro Leaf. I don’t remember actually liking the pictures in this book when I was little, but my kids liked the story anyway. The pictures are lovely line drawings, but at least the copy I had was tacky, two-color acetate overlays. Maybe they’ve republished the book with better color recently? This is a story about a bull who does not want to fight. He likes to stand in the field and smell flowers. Cute story, and a good one to share with children about learning to be true to themselves.

No Roses for Harry, by Gene Zion. I laughed the first time I read this one to my kids, and I still chuckled after the fiftieth time I read it. If any book can make you smile that much, it must surely be a keeper. Grandma knitted a sweater for Harry (the dog), but he didn’t like it. It has roses on it. He tried to lose his sweater, but someone always found it. Then one day at the park, as he was worrying a loose thread, a bird grabbed it (unraveling the whole sweater) to make her nest. I wonder if kids especially relate to this story, because someone – a grandma, or aunt, or neighbor – has probably given them something they didn’t like to wear either? There are several books about Harry, including Harry the Dirty Dog. I’d guess they were all great, but this is the only one I had.

Henry’s Awful Mistake, by Robert Quackenbush. Poor disaster-prone Henry. He’s expecting someone for dinner, when he sees and ant. As he tries to get rid of the ant, he makes a big mess and destroys his house. There is nothing to do but cancel dinner. He has to move into a new house, and the next time he sees an ant, he looks the other way. Kind of cute and imaginative. The illustrations are perfect, and the story moves along. This was very popular with my children. Henry has more adventures, including Henry Goes West.

Pickle Things, by Marc Tolon Brown. Personally, I didn’t really like this story the first ten times I read it. My kids did, though. And as I read it again and again, I grew to like it. Silly rhymes, but children love rhymes. “Pickle up, pickle down, juggled by a pickle clown. Pickle in, pickle out, pickles from the water spout.” Silly and colorful, children quickly memorize the poem and will “read” it right along with you. This illustrator is also the creator of the Arthur books, if your child happens to be an Arthur fan.

Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman. I imagine most of my readers already know this story. It is still popular, even though many of the other classic books I read to my children are no longer readily available. A little bird falls from his nest and wanders around looking for his mother. He meets a variety of animals and even a big piece of machinery, before he finally finds his mother. I wondered if very young children might be scared by this story, afraid of losing their mom, but maybe they focus more on the happy ending. I know that my two younger girls simple LOVED this story. I had to read it a whole lot more than I wanted to.
The same daughters and now my granddaughter absolutely adore his “Go, Dogs, Go!” These two books aren’t quite what I’d consider “five stars”, but they sure are popular with children.

Septimus Bean and his Amazing Machine, by Janet Quin-Harkin. Another cute rhyming story. Septimus creates a great machine, but doesn’t know what it does. Everyone helps him try to figure it out. I can’t find my copy, but I will definitely be buying a new one for my granddaughter. The rhyming is precious! And at the end of the story, they find the perfect use for his amazing machine. Amazon.com doesn’t carry this story any more, but there are sellers who will sell it through Amazon.com. I found one hard cover copy for under five dollars.

James Herriot’s Treasure for Children by James Herriot. This is the famous country veterinarian author of “All Creatures Great and Small”. This picture book is a collection of some of the sweetest animal stories you’ll find anywhere, with the most beautiful illustrations! If your child loves animals, this is sure to become his or her favorite book of all.