Today you can buy antibacterial hand soap for the bathroom, antibacterial toothpaste, antibacterial dish sponges, food dishes, clothes, shower curtains, cutting boards, deodorants, computer key boards, children’s toys and more. If all these antibacterial products were really helpful, wouldn’t we be seeing a decline in illness by now?

The fact is, antibacterial soaps don’t work. Oh, they will kill 99.6% of the germs on your hands, but plain soap and water will kill 99.4% of the germs! And after you wash your hands, as soon as you touch something, you are no longer “germ free”. Also, antibacterials kill bacteria – but colds and flu are viruses. Washing with antibacterial soap will not protect you from getting the flu.

Studies have found that children who grow up in slightly unsanitary conditions have fewer instances of allergies, eczema and asthma than children who are raised in more sterile environments. It is believed that children actually need to be exposed to some germs in order to develop healthy immunities.

There are some serious environmental issues regarding triclosan, the main ingredient in most of the antibacterial products marketed today. Triclosan is found in waste water treatment facilities, as the antibacterial soaps are washed down the drain along with our germs. Triclosan is now found in our lakes and rivers. It kills several varieties of algae. It is absorbed by fish, found in high concentrations in their bile, causing fin deformities and infertility. Triclosan is even found in human breast milk and plasma, regardless of whether the person actually used antibacterial products.

Triclosan is not believed to be toxic, but it may contain dioxins, which are very dangerous. Dioxins cause birth defects, miscarriage, weakened immune system, infertility, altered sex hormones and cancer. When triclosan was exposed to ultraviolet radiation (as in sunlight) it converted to dioxins in the lab. As higher concentrations of triclosan fill our lakes and streams, they too may become contaminated with toxic dioxins.

Once again, the European Union seems to be ahead of the United States when it comes to saving the environment. Already they are taking steps to limit triclosan use. It is banned from items that come into contact with food, and consumers are urged not to buy antibacterial products.

The American Medical Association has publicly stated that “it may be prudent to avoid the use of antimicrobial agents in consumer products.” (Tan, 2002). So the next time you go shopping, look for soap products that do not have “antibacterial” in the label. Remember, it’s not what you wash your hands with that matters – only that you wash your hands.

Related Reading:
Teach Your Child How to Wash Hands
Bath Time Blues
Inexpensive Earth-Friendly Cleaners

Photo Credits:
Wash Hands: by Southern Breeze
Mud Play: by Rabble

Genetically modified foods are banned in Europe

These toxic foods have been banned in Europe for a decade! Yet in the United States, they aren’t even labeled so savvy consumers can make the decision for themselves. October is Non-GMO month. Thousands of volunteers and concerned citizens are banding together to try to raise awareness of this growing potential health risk.

What are GMO foods?

Genetically modifying foods is not the same as hybrid seeds or cross-breeding animals. You can cross a horse with a donkey to get a mule, but the mule is generally infertile. You cannot cross a pig with a potato – unless you genetically alter its DNA. Some of the absurd and ridiculous things that have been done to our “natural” foods are:

• arctic fish genes put into tomatoes, to make them resistant to frost
• jellyfish crossed into pig genes, so their noses glow in the dark
• spider genes crossed into goat DNA to make bullet-proof vests
• corn is genetically modified with bacteria to make it poisonous to insects
• soybeans genetically modified with bacteria to make them resistant to herbicides

Diabetes, Autism, and Allergies reach epidemic levels

But whether GMOs are harmful or not – something is definitely wrong in our society. Type II diabetes is reaching nearly epidemic levels, and younger and younger children are being diagnosed with what has often been called “adult onset diabetes”. This information isn’t being presented by some blogger with too much time on her hands, but by the American Diabetes Association, the World Health Organization, and Science Daily. Diabetes has risen 33% in the past decade. Guess what? So have genetically modified foods in our diet!

Another sudden epidemic – the rise in children diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. In a ten-year period from 1993 to 2003, the rate of children in the United States diagnosed with Autism rose 657 percent! Some may argue that these numbers are inflated, because we have better methods of diagnosing autism, or because of higher public awareness. Physicians and educators agree that they are seeing more and more children thus afflicted. Could this again be related to the genetically altered foods in our diet?

What about the rise in peanut allergies? Several decades ago it was unheard of! Now, nearly every school has a policy for dealing with children suffering from severe, life-threatening food allergies, including gluten intolerance, milk allergy, strawberries, peanuts, even chocolate. The number of children diagnosed with peanut allergies is about 1 in 100 in the United States, yet virtually non-existent in Asia where the peanut is a major food source. Peanut allergies have doubled in the past ten years – right along with the rise in GMOs. Yet, researchers are trying to genetically modify a peanut that will be hypo-allergenic! Why don’t they just study why Asians don’t have peanut allergies? I’ll bet it is related to the fact Asians don’t consume the quantity of genetically modified food that are causing irreparable damage to our health.

How to avoid genetically altered food in your diet

Should you avoid all genetically modified foods in the future? Without proper labeling, it can be difficult. Until then, here are four tips to help you avoid these potentially harmful foods:

1) Buy organic. Certified organic foods cannot intentionally include any GMO ingredients
2) Look for “Non-GMO Project” verified seals
3) Avoid at-risk ingredients, including corn, soybeans, canola, and cottonseed
4) Buy products listed in the “Non-GMO Project” shopping guide

If just 5% of the American population would boycott genetically altered foods, grocery stores would stop stocking them, and ultimately, companies would stop producing them. We don’t need more government control to end this potentially devastating practice! We can use consumerism at its best. It worked in Europe.

Spread the word.

GMO FAQs

References:
The “Myth” of Autism
Is There Really an Autism Epidemic? Scientific American
The Peanut Allergy Epidemic by Dr. Daniel More
Institute for Responsible Technology

Photo Credits:
Boy with an Apple: by Larry Grubs

How often should you give your child a bath? When ever they are dirty is the simple answer. But beyond basic hygiene, the young child can benefit from a regular bath in many ways. First, it can have a calming effect, so it is often part of the bedtime ritual. Second, the child can learn to enjoy that “squeaky clean” feeling, of climbing into clean sheets wearing clean pajamas – and maybe that will carry over with them into puberty. Finally, water play is educational!

Water play can be grouped into the “sensory play” category. The young child explores water with his senses. He uses his sense of touch as he slaps it, splashes it, dunks his head in it, pours it from a pitcher, and fills his toys with it. He uses his sense of taste more often than you’d like, as he drinks his bath water. He uses his sense of sight, as he studies water’s natural properties – how it splashes, how it makes waves. He uses his sense of hearing as he listens to the sound of splashing. The only sense he may not use much is his sense of smell, but even that can come into play if you add scented bubble bath or bar soap.

Besides the sensory experience, water can be a pre-math activity, as the child fills gradated measuring cups and spoons. He will learn that a large cup of water will not all fit into a smaller cup. He won’t understand the complexities of fluid dynamics, but later, if he takes up that field of study in college, he will remember the properties of water from his childhood play.

You can add to the child’s experience of water play simply by changing the toys he takes into the bathtub. There are many on the market now, some provide more play value than others. You don’t have to buy expensive toys, though, as water play can be fun with nothing more than empty dish soap bottles, some wash clothes, and a funnel or two from your kitchen. If you do invest in water toys, remember that mold absolutely loves damp things in dark spaces, so make sure to let the toys drain well and put them somewhere to dry out between baths. Occasionally rinse them in a mild bleach and water solution to kill any mold spores. (I prefer a white vinegar and water solution for controlling mold, as it is more earth-friendly).

What bath toys to buy? Again, you can go back to the eight basic areas of play: Dramatic Play, Block Play, Large Muscle Play, Sensory Play, Art, Music, Books, and Table Games (or small muscle play).

For dramatic play, you can purchase toys that encourage imaginative role-playing games. These types of tub toys have little people or animals or cars or cities. Lots of pieces, but hours of fun.

Blocks: You can buy Wood Foam Blocks that somewhat stick to the tub surround. They may stick two or three tall as they float, but they will tip over before building a tall stack.

Large Muscle Play is somewhat limited by the dimensions of the tub. You don’t want your child jumping around and risk a fall-related injury! But there are baskeball tub toys. One even has a battery-operated noise of a crowd cheering every time the basketball makes it through the hoop.

Sensory play: Just being in the tub is a sensory experience. Occasionally you can alter the experience by altering the water. Add colored fizzing tablets to change the color and scent of the water. Add bubble bath. Try an oatmeal bath, especially if your child has a rash or dry, itching skin. You can purchase “Oatmeal bath” from a pharmacy, or you can finely chop a cup of raw oatmeal in your kitchen blender until it is mostly a powder. Then add it to warm bath water. You can also add bath salts, but watch your child so he doesn’t drink it.

Art: Bath Tub Crayons are so much fun! Now you can even find bathtub Finger Paints and face paint. Who knew getting clean could be so much fun!

Music: Alex Toys markets a tub symphony. This set has a xylophone, drum, mallets and flutes. I haven’t tried it yet, but it received a five-star rating from the parents who reviewed it. I plan to get this for my granddaughter, as I’m sure she will love it, too.

Books: I have seen some baby books made in durable vinyl that my granddaughter eventually took into the bath tub. This isn’t really an area where I feel it is important to have books, though. But if you have a sick or tired child, you might read them a picture book while they soak in the tub.

Small motor Play: this may overlap with the dramatic play toys, as small motor play (Table Toys) are any game with tiny pieces. You can build with legos in the tub, but they can also fit down the drain. Perhaps it would be better to build with duplos, even when the child is old enough for the smaller lego bricks. The Reeve and Jones Water Works toy is a great example of small-motor play. The child can rearrange the water pipes into unique designs, then pour tub water through the water wheel and watch it cascade down. I’d give this toy two thumbs up!

You don’t need to have an enormous toy chest. Just pick a few bath toys, and alternate them regularly. Don’t let the child have every toy every bath. He’ll never play with them all before the water cools off, and bath time will just be another battle to pick up his toys.

Remember SAFETY! A child can drown in an inch or two of water! Stay in the bathroom with him, or as he grows older, stay very near and listen diligently. You can sit on the stool and read a book, or take his bath time to spruce up the bathroom and make it nice and clean. You can get an older child or spouse to sit in the bathroom with your preschooler. An ounce of prevention will save a pounding heartache.

Related Reading:
Wet and Wild: benefits of water play
Sensory Play
Play Areas for Encouraging Creativity

Photo Credits:
Bath Puppy: by abbybatchelder
Bubble Bath: by ~My Aim Is True~
Bath Boy: by Chimothy27

Winter flu and cold season may soon be upon us! While we all hope that our children will be strong, happy, and healthy, it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared for those times when you may be forced to amuse a sick child or two. The more prepared you are, the less stressful this time can be for everyone involved.

Sick Children Belong in Bed

First off, set some basic rules. Will you keep your sick child in bed? This used to be standard procedure! Sick people should not get out of bed! They should not take their germs to work or preschool and infect others. Some parents don’t try to keep their sick child in bed, because they think he will be bored. But if you have more than one child, it really is the best option. The sick child should stay in bed, eat in bed, sleep in his bed, and then he is less likely to infect the rest of the family.

Keep to the Regular Routine

Secondly, try to stick to your child’s regular routine as much as possible. Have breakfast, snack, lunch, and dinner at the usual times, unless of course, your child is vomiting and shouldn’t eat anything. Insist on nap time. Your child won’t be able to go outside to play, but otherwise, you can have free play times, table games (which can also be done in bed) and story time, calendar time… whatever is part of your child’s normal day, whenever practical. The young child can get very agitated if his routine is altered! He’s already not feeling well, so help him out by keeping his sick day as normal as possible.

Fill a Sick Day Box

Finally, start to gather some unique, interesting quiet games and activities NOW. Keep these toys out of sight, and bring them out only on sick days. What follows are some suggestions.

1) Flannel Board stories. You can buy flannel/felt board sets, or make them yourself. If you have an older child, he or she can make their own felt characters for a story. Basically, you need to wrap a board with flannel, then cut out shapes from felt. The felt sticks to the flannel. Preschool and Sunday School Teachers have been using flannel boards to tell stories for ages! You can use paper figures cut from catalogs or magazines, and they will stick to the flannel board if you glue a square of felt to the back. Encourage your child to make up stories and use the felt shapes to tell them. This is great if you have two or more children, as well.

2) Paper Dolls. This is more of a girly-game, and paper dolls aren’t as popular as they once were. When you do find a pretty paper doll set, buy it and save it for the next time your little one needs to stay in bed. Take some time, and play with her, especially if she needs help cutting out the outfits. Some paper dolls now have magnetic outfits and come already punched out! In my store, you’ll find a zoo playset that may be appropriate for a boy, as well.

3) Colorforms. This is a classic toy of vinyl pieces that stick to a clean surface. They can also be fun in the car, as they stick to clean windows, but when the windows are cold the pieces will fall off. Younger children can create interesting designs and shapes. Older children may use the pieces to tell stories, much like flannel boards. There are a variety of Colorforms playsets, including Go, Diego Go!, and Thomas & Friends.

4) Sticky Wicks. These toys are like wax-coated pipe cleaners. They bend and stick and hold together, without glue. They are quiet, clean, ultimately reuseable, and a bit out of the ordinary. Keep them for special occasions – to keep them fun. Use them ONLY for bed-sick children, or maybe if you have to be on a plane or long car trip. There are a wide variety of wikki stix sets – you can get them for shapes, numbers, letters, or just a basic “make up your own game” set. Children will play with these for hours! But they are not recommended for under threes.

5) Tub Toys: Your child may enjoy a bath every day while he’s sick. Putting him in a tub of warm water can help loosen chest congestion, sooth irritated skin rashes, and cool down a fever. He probably has a bunch of tub toys already, but for those sick days, maybe you can bring out something extra special. In my store, I have searched through Amazon.com for a number of unique bath toys that may not be readily available in your local store, including a bathtub symphony, a set of chutes and wheels to create his own water cascade, a tub garden and a floating city. Other alternatives for tub play – measuring spoons and cups, funnels, empty containers, bathtub crayons, and bubble bath.

6) Books on tape. If you still have a cassette tape player, books on tape are a great bedtime activity. Your child can look at book after book, turning the pages when a bell on the tape tells him to. Now there are story books that come with CDs, but I haven’t yet found a child-friendly CD player that I’d recommend. You can also make your own audio books. Get a cassette recorder, some library books, and a bell (or any noise maker, even a New Year’s party horn, or bang two spoons together), and read the story into the microphone. Your child will love to listen to the story again and again – a lot more than you’d feel like reading it to him! For this, chose really special books. While I love Walt Disney cartoons, I find that the Disney story books tend to be very silly. Find classic books on tape, like Mike Mulligan’s Steam Shovel.

7) Special Movies: I’m not a big fan of letting preschoolers watch endless hours of television, but when they are sick, it can be a great tool. Depending on how irritable your child is, he may not be interested in watching the same-old, same-old shows. You could run out to rent something new, but that’s not easy if you’re stuck at home with a sick child! And then you have to return it tomorrow… so I’ve collected several interesting DVDs or Videos that may not be part of your normal repertoire. One is a collection of children’s classic tales in cartoon, that is eight hours long! If your child only ever sees this video when he’s sick in bed, he may enjoy it for years.

Here are some other quiet activities, perhaps when your child is starting to feel better, but still can’t go outside to play:

8.) Spray some shaving cream on the kitchen table. Let your child smear it around, write his name in it, play with it. It’s a very neat sensory experience, and it’s clean fun. When he is done, just wipe up with paper towels. Your kitchen will smell clean, and so will your child.

9) Playdough. Buy some new, or make up a batch. Buy a new playdough toy, or get out your rolling pin, cookie cutters, toy dishes, measuring cups and spoons, and whatever else you can think of. If you supervise, even a pair of children’s safety scissors can be great fun.

10) Scissors. You must supervise! And if your child has pretty hair, pin it up out of reach! Maybe put a hat on your child. For some unexplained reason, most children try to cut their hair in the preschool years. I like to set my preschooler inside a large cardboard box, hand her my junk mail, and a pair of children’s safety scissors. She will cut and snip for a long time, and when she’s done, all the little bits of paper remain inside the box! You can just let your child sit at the table. Save your junk mail for this. Young toddlers can just practice cutting. As your child develops coordination, you can make solid black lines on the junk mail with a sharpie marker and have him try to cut on the line. Later, he can cut out pictures from the advertisements in the Sunday paper.

11) Sensory play. Get a small children’s splash pool (3 ft in diameter) and fill it with about 30 lbs of dry rice. You can color the rice or leave it white. Give your child measuring cups, spoons, funnels, toy cars and boats, etc, and let him play and play. Some rice may get on the carpet, but it vacuums up easily.

12) Art activities. Give your child a new box of markers, or crayons. Get a big sheet of paper, or a coloring book, or even more junk mail. Sit and color with him, or ask him to make a special picture you can send to his grandmother. Depending on the age and ability of the child, you might give him more scraps, some scissors, ribbons, glue, sequins, and any doodads you can find, and let him make a big, beautiful, sticky collage.

Don’t forget to celebrate your child’s “all better” day! We spend extra time with a sick child, and buy special games, or prepare special foods… and the child feels very special! He may not want to lose that! So, when he is finally well enough to play outside, make sure he’s still special. Put away the sick games, and do something fun – but not too strenuous, as he may not be quite one-hundred percent yet. Maybe make a trip to the library, or play in the sandbox with a friend. You might make a “got well cake” with candles!

Then, depending on how many days your child was ill, you might want to send him to a neighbor’s house or a drop-in day care for a few hours, and go get yourself a massage. You deserve it.

Related Reading:
Ten Rainy Day Activities
Calendar Activities
Growing With Crayons

Photo Credits:
Sick Child: by MollyPop
Shaving Cream Art: by Rdeetz
Mom’s Day Out: by Betsy Fletcher

Your young child loves to spend time with you! He will help around the house, if he is working with you. He will not do chores independently. Do not expect him to clean his bedroom while you watch television. But he will pick up the toys on his bedroom floor while you dust the pictures on the wall. He will help you make his bed, or straighten the crib blankets. He will set the silverware around the table while you set out the plates and glasses. He will wipe down the bathtub or counters with a non-toxic cleaner (white vinegar) while you brush the toilet or wash the mirror. Think of this as a partnership. Enjoy the time spent with your young child, and know that you are teaching him important life skills! By the time he is six or seven, he may be able to work independently for short periods of time.

A Two-Year-Old Can Dust Furniture	Age two and three: pick up toys and books help feed a family pet wipe up spills dust chairs, furniture, non-breakables sort silverware clear table with help set silverware at table put laundry in laundry room or basket
Age four and five: all of the above, plus: put away toys set table make bed bring in mail or newspaper clear table independently pull weeds, water garden use hand-held vacuum to pick up crumbs water plants load utensils in dishwasher wash unbreakable dishes in the sink fix a bowl of cereal with milk	A Four-Year-Old Can Wash Unbreakable Dishes
A Six-Year-Old Can Take Out Trash	Age six and seven: all of the above, plus: sort laundry sweep vacuum help make and pack lunch keep bedroom tidy pour own drinks answer telephone properly clean bathroom with nontoxic cleaners take out trash load dishwasher empty dishwasher

Safety is the most important consideration

Many household cleaners are toxic. Don’t give your child a bottle of spray cleaner and turn your back. But there are non-toxic alternatives that are safer for your child and the environment. White vinegar in a spray bottle, straight or diluted with water, will clean almost anything. If you need “scrub” power, shake plain baking soda on the dirt, rub, then follow with the vinegar solution. Your child may really enjoy the fizz reaction of baking soda and vinegar!

Young children can drown a few inches of water. Don’t leave a bucket of cleaning water sitting around. For cleaning up spills, I like to leave a very small pail (like a sandbox pail) with only an inch of soapy water and a sponge. My granddaughter can squeeze the sponge out, wipe up any milk spills, and rinse the sponge. I empty and refill the cleaning bucket as necessary.

Adapt the Chore for the Child’s Age

For dusting, you can put an old sock on your young child’s hand, and have him rub down the rungs of a chair, the top of the coffee table, or the shelves of the entertainment center. Don’t expect him to dust anything breakable for about ten more years.

A two or three year old can dump a scoop of pet kibble in the feed bowl, or can add water to a water bowl using a small watering can. He or she is not strong enough to hold a full pitcher. Only put a cup or so of water in a small pitcher, and he will manage better. Even if he does spill, it’s only water! Give him a towel and he will clean up the spill himself.

A very young child can sort spoons, butter knifes, and forks into the silverware tray. He may make mistakes, but this is a great skill for him to work on. If your knives are the least bit sharp, pull them out before you let him sort silverware. A very young child can help set the table, with your help. He can put a spoon next to every plate. He can put a napkin next to every plate. This sort of activity is called “one-to-one correspondence”, which is an important pre-math skill. A child needs to understand the concept of “one” before he can count, add, and subtract.

A two year old may not be able to clear the table yet, but by three it is something he can help with. He can clear his own plate and cup, at least. If your dishes are not breakable, he might help clear all the plates and silverware. Don’t expect him to clear serving platters and bowls – they are probably too heavy, even empty.

When possible, Make Work Fun

To get a young child to pick up toys, make it easy, and make it fun. Duplos or Legos can go in a big bin. Take a photo of a pile of duplos, and laminate it, or stick it to the bin with packaging tape. Now your child KNOWS where the duplos go. You can print the word “Duplos” on the bin. Knowing where something goes is half the battle. To help your child in picking up his toys, don’t let him have access to too many at a time. You can put half his toys on a top shelf out of reach, and rotate them periodically. Do not let him dump every toy he owns on the floor and mix them all up, then expect him to be able to pick it all up. The two and three year old child is easily overwhelmed and distracted. If he does have a big mess, you’ll need to help him focus. Break it up into smaller tasks… such as, “Pick up all the yellow duplos and put them in here.” Make it a race. You can pick up all the red duplos. Or have him pick up duplos while you pick up blocks. Better yet, spread a large sheet on the floor before he dumps out the Duplos, and then all you have to do is pick up the sheet.

Do not yell, scold, or shame

You want your child to be a willing helper. Keep it fun, and you will be training your child to develop positive attitudes towards work that will last him all his life.

For more information, check out:
Teaching Children to Clean
Children and Chores
Earth Friendly Cleaners

Or, from Amazon.com:

Photo Credits:
Helping with Laundry by Elizabeth/Table4Five
Washing Dishes by Clogozm
Taking out the Trash by Neeta Lind

“Hurry up!”
“Let’s go!”
“Stop dawdling!”

How often do our children hear these words, or similar phrases? We live in a busy society. We are often in a rush. We have deadlines- but young children do not understand time. We have responsibilities. The young child is ego-centric, caught up in his own little world with himself at the center. We are bigger, taller, with great long legs. Little children have short legs and little feet that are often quite clumsy. We are focused on our to-do lists. He has almost no attention span. And so, there is conflict.

Sometimes, we need to remember what childhood is all about. Sometimes, we need to slow down and enjoy the moment of discovery as our youngster spots a caterpillar on a leaf, or a rainbow inside a bubble, or any of the thousands of fascinating things that hold their interest when all we really want them to do is hurry up! But there are times when we just cannot afford the time. So, when you really do need your child to move faster, how can you motivate him?

Here are some suggestions:

1. Never repeat yourself. If you do, you are actually teaching your child to ignore you the first time. Give a command and then expect your child to obey. If your child obeys, don’t act too surprised! But you can praise him for being such a good listener. Our children really only want our attention. If you don’t give it to him when he’s being good, he’ll find other ways to get it.

2. Ask if she heard you. Ask if he understood you. This is NOT the same as repeating yourself. By asking him if he understood you, you can discover if he is exhibiting willful disobedience, or a simple misunderstanding is keeping him from doing as he should. Willful disobedience calls for an immediate time-out, or whatever discipline method you use in your family. However, if your child did not understand the order, then you can get down on your knees, gently hold his head in your hands, look him right in the eye, and tell him what you need him to do, clearly. Again, praise him when he listens to you. If your child still fails to obey, then this is not a dawdling issue, but a defiance behavior, and will be dealt with in a separate article.

3. Give your child a deadline.

Use a small, noisy timer. The child can hear it ticking away, and when the bell goes off, he knows time is up. You could use a large egg timer if your child is upset by noises (as some autistic children are). Using a timer is a great way to introduce the concept of time to a preschooler. You can use the timer for many things – from time-outs, to sharing toys.

4. Find a motivation. This can vary greatly from child to child. Some children are motivated by food. For example, “You may not eat breakfast until you have put on your clothes.” However, some children do not wake up hungry and wouldn’t get dressed until closer to lunch time! Some children will work for a penny or a sticker, or even a marble. You can let him collect the marbles or pennies in a clear container until a certain level has been reached – then he can “cash in” all the pennies or marbles (be careful not to let him swallow one!) for an extra-special reward, like a trip to the children’s museum, or the carousel, or a pizza party.

5. Losing a privilege. This is a more negative approach, and should be used only after other methods have failed. But find something the child really enjoys – like playing video games (I hope not!), or going fishing with grampa. If he fails to do the activity you need him to do in the time allotted, then he will lose the privilege.

6. Shaping behavior. This works better with younger children. Instead of expecting perfection right off the bat, you break the ultimate behavior down into smaller steps. Back to our example of getting dressed in the morning, first you might just expect your child to put on his or her own underwear. Tell your child that from now on, since he is such a big boy, and you know he can do it, you want him to take off his pajamas first thing in the morning and put on the clean pair of underwear that you will lay out for him. This is one, simple, easy task. You will reward him greatly for compliance. You ignore non-compliance for a few days, then use motivation and deadlines, etc, until he does come to breakfast dressed in his clean underwear. Then you celebrate! You announce to everyone how PROUD you are of him. That he is SO BIG, that he even put on his own underwear that morning! You kiss him and hug him, and you make SURE that when you reward him with the next small step of getting dressed – pulling on a tee shirt – that he’s going to really try hard to do it! (Just make sure that when he does, you praise him, and don’t make him turn it around when he puts it on backwards.)

7. Use natural consequences. Sometimes this works, sometimes it’s inappropriate. If your child dawdles at breakfast, and it’s time to go, then a natural consequence would be for him to miss the rest of his breakfast. Don’t take it with you for him to eat in the car. Don’t swing through McDonald’s on the way to work and school to get him a quick breakfast sandwich. Let his hunger provide the necessary lesson, and perhaps he will eat a little faster tomorrow. However, if your child dawdles in getting dressed, obviously, you cannot just let him go to school naked!

8. Create more time.

If you are always rushed in the morning, and your young child dawdles, then perhaps you need more time in the morning. The consequence would be that he will need to start going to bed earlier, so you can wake him up earlier. This is not a popular answer, but it may be the one that is most necessary. That would allow you the time to sit and eat breakfast with your child. To cuddle him on your lap while you help him get dressed. To read a picture book before running off to do errands or meet deadlines.

Childhood is precious. Every single moment of it! So when your child is dawdling, sometimes, you need to learn from him. Sit down. Relax. And enjoy the moment with your precious child.

Related Articles:
Reduce or eliminate tantrums
Children and Chores
Teaching Children to Clean

Photo Credits:
Serious Toddler: Benedict Francis
Getting Dressed: Abby Batchelder
Discovery: Woodley Wonderworks

Whether you consider yourself to be permissive or authoritarian in your child-rearing style, it’s certain that at some point you will tell your child, “no!” It is very likely that your child hears this word many times a day. We say “no” when a toddler is about to stick a penny in the electric outlet, or in his mouth. We say “no” to an energetic preschooler running towards the street. We say “no” to the young child who wants to stay up late and watch just one more show on television. Sometimes, it may seem that all we ever say is “no”! Is there a way to get around this? No. Probably not! But the point of this discussion is to encourage us to think, before we shout this overused and under-heard exclamation.

Recently, I was at Wal-mart Optical helping my husband pick out new frames when a family came by with three grade-school aged children. The youngest might have been six. He was sitting in the shopping cart, screaming at the top of his lungs with a shrill pitch that made everyone think he had blood pouring out his eyeballs. The problem? He didn’t want to get his frames repaired, he wanted new frames. The parents were bent over him, anxiously trying to please him so he’d be quiet. They used every word in the dictionary, except “No!” Now if you’ve ever read the Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies, then you know the right way to deal with this situation. You leave the store immediately. You do not placate a child in a tantrum, but neither should you subject the entire population of the store to his inappropriate behavior. You cannot reason with a child in a tantrum. You should not EVER give in to a child in a tantrum. Take him out to the car, take him home. Send him to his room, or his cry-rug, or his time-out corner. Then later, when he’s calmed down, you teach him.

That same day I was walking my dog, and saw a little two-year-old girl on the sidewalk, jumping up and down. She wore a sundress and lacey socks and shiny black shoes. Her wispy blonde hair was tugged back in a pony tail, but precious strands had come loose and were floating on the breeze with her enthusiasm. It was a joyous, carefree moment. But her father squelched it instantly, yelling “No! Don’t do that. Can’t you just walk like normal people?”

Both sets of parents did not know the correct use of the word. Both had failed to understand children, or the role of the parent. In both families there were hurt feelings and a lack of communication between adult and child.

So when do you say no?

As little as possible, and only when it’s absolutely necessary. If you say it all the time, your child will learn to tune you out. The best way to change your habit of overusing the word “no” is to just stop and think a moment before you speak.

Here are some examples:

Your child is at the playground, trying to climb UP the slide. Every child does it. Most adults tell them not to. Is he going to hurt himself? Probably not. Is he hurting others? Not usually. Is he going to break the slide? Definitely not. So why not let him? This was a major peeve of mine when I worked at preschools and day care centers. There were sooooo many rules regarding the playground equipment! Children could not climb up the slides, they could not come down on their bellies. They could not come down head first. Walk up these stairs only. Walk down those stairs only. Don’t jump from the second to the bottom stair. Argh! Companies have been designing and developing playground equipment, trying to make them so safe that children can’t possibly get hurt (yeah, right, where there’s a will, there’s a way!) and still we feel compelled to restrict their creativity and imagination with a list of rules that would make the IRS cringe.

Your child is at the beach throwing sand. Do you really need to say “no?” Why do children like to throw sand? I don’t have a clue, but they ALL do it! They like to throw. Recently my granddaughter amused herself for nearly thirty minutes by picking up the annoying large green pods of the black walnuts and tossing them into the dumpster. She shrieked gleefully, “I won! I won!” every time she heard the satisfying thunk of the nut striking the heavy metal container. But we don’t like it when our children throw sand. We don’t want others to think our child is undisciplined. So we yell at our child (why not yell at the other people?) and threaten to take them home this minute if they don’t stop throwing sand! The last time I took my granddaughter to the beach, I tried a different tactic. The beach was not crowded. There was not a strong wind to carry the sand. I told her she could stand at the edge of the water and throw sand into the water, but not to throw it at anybody. I also warned her that she might get sand in her eyes. Then I left it up to her to discover. She gleefully threw fistfuls of sand into the waves for all of five minutes. That was it. She’d had her fun, and was ready to go on to another activity.

Suppose your child wants a piece of birthday cake for breakfast, and you want to tell him no, he needs to eat cereal. Is there really any less sugar in that box of honey-yummy-crunchies than the cake? It became a beloved tradition in my family, that the morning after a birthday, everyone could have cake for breakfast if they wanted to. And I rarely bought sugary honey-yummy-crunchies anyway. I am not in favor of letting children eat sugary sweets, but it is much easier just to NOT keep them in the house than to try to explain to a three year old why we only eat chocolate covered grahams after we’ve had a nutritious breakfast.

Another way to get around overusing “no” is to have clearly defined rules. I’ll go into more details about rules in another post, but for now, know that if you have a set bedtime, and your child asks to stay up late, you can just ask him the rule. “What is the rule in this house about bedtime?” Then the child can answer his own question. You’re not the big meanie saying “No”. Your child is learning to live by a set of rules, which is absolutely necessary to live in a society.

So remember, think before you answer. Do you really have to use the word “no”? If the answer is yes, then do it! Say it once. Say it with authority. Do not repeat yourself. If it seems appropriate at the time, you can explain to your child why you must say no. If your child throws a tantrum, then you discipline the tantrum. You do not change your “no” to a “yes”. If your child accepts the “no” well, praise him! Tell him how proud you are that he listened to you.

The more you can step back and allow your child to explore his world, the more you allow him to develop his innate creativity.

Related Reading:
Playground Safety: Cautious or Zealous?
Reduce or Eliminate Tantrums
Mastering the Nap

Books by Others:
Ten Days to a Less Defiant Child
Parenting with Love and Logic

Photo Credits:
Tantrum: Saad Aktar
Up the Slide: Kissy Face
Throwing Sand: CarbonNYC

Sand might be called the world’s most perfect toy. It is natural, readily available, generally affordable, and will provide hundreds of hours of enjoyment for your children and grandchildren. If you’re on a limited budget, the backyard sandbox should be the first thing you build, before a swing set or climber. Many families like to put the swing set and climber directly IN the sandbox, but I recommend that you don’t. First off, sand isn’t the softest thing a child could land on when he falls. It would be better to place wood chips, pea gravel, or recycled rubber under the swings. Secondly, children like to travel. If they have a sandbox in one area and a climber in another, they have two play spaces. Besides, if you have more than one child, naturally one is going to want to build a sand castle when the other would rather jump on top of it. Two play spaces is definitely better than one!

Select an area in your yard for the sandbox. Place it towards the back of the yard, so much of the sand falls off your child’s shoes (or bare feet) and clothing before he makes it to the door. Place it where you can see it from a window, but not too close to the fence. Find an area that is mostly flat, and gets shade for part of the day, unless you are planning to build an awning over of the box.

Think BIG! Build the biggest box your budget and your yard will allow. Ten-feet square is a nice size for two or three children. Mark out the area, then remove the grass and dig down. Sinking the box down into the ground will help keep the sand in the box and not blowing around in your child’s eyes on a windy day. It also helps prevent grass from growing up through the sand. Once you’ve dug the area out, level it as best you can, then loosely spread landscape fabric and staple it into the ground. This allows water to drain, but blocks weeds from sprouting.

You can build your box walls out of boards, or landscape timbers, or landscape blocks, or old tractor tires, or old splash pools, or any other material you can think of that is not toxic to your children. (Do not use pressure treated lumber, for that reason!) You don’t even have to use any walls at all, but fill the dirt hole up with sand. However, most sandboxes do have wooden sides, and some even have wooden benches for little bodies to sit on.

Finally, fill the box with sand. Many recommend buying play sand in 50 pound bags. It would take a lot of bags to fill a large sandbox! Washed sand is the same thing as play sand, and can be bought in bulk. Washed sand is free from dust and debris, weighs about 2700 pounds per cubic yard, and is tan in color.

Six Methods to Discourage Cats from Using Your Sandbox

Most websites recommend covering the sandbox to prevent cats from dirtying it, but I always felt that covers were unwieldly and limited how much use the sandbox would see. Small children can’t move the cover by themselves. There are a number of cat deterrents that may work just as well.

1) electric fencing. If you have a tall backyard fence, then run a string of electric wire across the top of the fence out of your child’s reach. No cat will cross it.

2) Keep a non-cat friendly dog in the yard. However, although the dog might not mess in the sand, he will still leave calling cards somewhere in your child’s play area.

3) Scarecrow Sprinklers are motion sensitive and hooked up to a garden hose. They will blast unwanted pests with water, but not harm them. (Of course, teach your child to turn it off, or it will blast him, as well!)

4) Motion-activated pet deterrent uses a high-pitched sound and blast of air to send cats on their way, without water. Great for indoors, too.

5 Smells. Some smells are offensive to cats, even when humans can’t smell them at all, such as the wintergreen scent of Keep Away. Other homemade cat deterrent sprays use a variety of herbs and spices like lavendar, cayanne pepper, rosemary, or citronella. These sprays will last up to two weeks, but need to be reapplied regularly.

6) Texture. Cats don’t like to walk on certain bristly, rough-textured products like pine cones or gravel. You can surround your sandbox with a wide ring of shredded coconut shell mulch, and it may stop most cats.

If none of these methods work for you, then a web search should reveal more than fifty other options. Something will work. Of course, you could just cover your sandbox. I’d suggest screen instead of tarp for covering the box. You want the rain to wash the sand clean, rather than the damp dark tarp to keep the sand the right temperature and humidity for breeding bacteria.

Finally, you’ll want sandbox toys! Rotating the toys periodically will keep the interest level high. After spending all that time making the sandbox for your child, the best reward would be watching him enjoy it! So, for younger children, keep a supply of plastic measuring cups and spoons, small plastic cars, and play figurines will provide many hours of enjoyable, educational activity. As your child grows, add sand pails and sturdy shovels, then construction trucks like a dump truck and a steam shovel or back hoe. Children can bury things in the sand for scavenger hunts, or sculpt sand into interesting shapes with the addition of a little water. And sand can still be played with in the fall, even though the beaches are closed and it’s too cold to take off a jacket! There is a small window in the northern states when the sand simply freezes – effectively ending the sandy season for a little while.

Don’t forget, children model us. If you want your child to reap all the benefits of sand play, play with him in the sandbox! Once he sees how important you realize sand play is, he will play in the sand more. So what if he gets a little dirty? That before-bedtime bath is a great way to wind down from an exciting, educational day of play.

For further reading:
Sensory Play
Water Play
Working with Wood
Sand Castle

Photo Credits:
Top: amrufm
Middle: tammra
Bottom: bruno brujah