Some Children May Not Know How To Fall Asleep On Their Own

We All Need Our Sleep

There are few topics that cause more discussion or disturbance in the home than sleep, or the lack of it! Parents cannot deal with their children when they themselves are overtired. Children cannot learn, play, or grow properly unless they have adequate sleep. Lack of sleep can be linked to many other health concerns, including depression, obesity, even cancer. So, when you have a child that won’t go to sleep or stay asleep, and sleep through the night in his own bed, you have a serious concern!

What NOT To Do

Do not rock your child to sleep. Do not nurse, or feed a bottle to a baby to put him to sleep. You need to put a child or infant in his crib while he is still awake, but sleepy, and he needs to learn how to self-soothe, how to relax and let himself fall asleep. If you rock a child to sleep, then when he wakes up in the night, as all children will do, he may need you to get up and rock him back to sleep! If you rock a child as part of your bedtime routine, that’s wonderful. But make sure your child isn’t quite asleep yet when you lay him down. Do Not put a child to sleep with special music, or a movie, or a toy. If your child depends on that music, or movie, or toy, then he will not be able to sleep without it. The exception to the rule is, if you live in a noisy area and wish to use a “white noise” machine – you are not training your child to fall asleep with the white noise as much as allowing your child to fall asleep with the absence of disruptive noise.

What TO DO to Help Your Child Fall Asleep Faster

Develop a Solid Bedtime Routine

or ritual, and stick with it always and forever. It can be five steps long (as your young child can count down each step on his fingers). It should be written down and posted, so your spouse and babysitter and the grandparents can all follow the same routine. The bedtime ritual tells your child that it is time to unwind and get ready for sleep. What you do isn’t as important as the fact that you always do it. Your routine may include picking up toys, taking a bath, putting on pajamas, hearing a story, and saying prayers. Add or delete activities to suit your needs.

Develop a Daytime Routine

Make sure that your child’s entire day follows a routine. See that he eats, naps, and plays at regular intervals every day. This guarantees that your child will actually be SLEEPY at bedtime. If his meals are hectic, and his naps are sometimes early, sometimes late, sometimes skipped, then his body never knows when it will be tired. The more you get your days into a routine, the less difficult your child will be through the “terrible twos” and beyond.

Daily Outside Play Can Help Your Child Sleep Better

Make sure your child has plenty of outside play time every day. Don’t raise a couch potato. If he plays inside all the time, he’s not getting enough fresh air and sunshine. Remember how you feel after an afternoon at the beach? Don’t you come home feeling unusually tired, even if all you did was sit in the shade reading a book? Something about being outside helps your body to be tired by bedtime. Maybe it has to do with soaking up sunshine and getting your body to follow its natural circadian rhythms. If your child plays outside every day for two hours minimum (1 in the morning, and one after naptime) he will be far more likely to be sleepy at bedtime.

Regular Daily Naps Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night

Thumb Sucking Can Help the Child to Self-Soothe

Four Methods for Sleep Training Infants and Young Children

There are four basic methods for training your young child to sleep in his own bed. They are the Cry It Out method, Persistence, Sleep Training, and Family Bed. The final method isn’t really training your child to sleep in HIS own bed, but allowing him to feel safe and secure by sleeping in YOUR bed. This method is very popular among some groups, and goes along with the Attachment Parenting philosophy. It does not really solve the problem of your child not being able to fall asleep on his own. It merely postpones the issue, by allowing him to sleep with you. If you would like more information on co-sleeping, you may read The Family Bed.

Cry It Out Method of Sleep Training

The first method that is often recommended is called “cry it out” or CIO, for short. This method means to simply put your young child or infant to bed and let him cry himself to sleep. This may be hard to listen to, and can take from a few days to several weeks for it to work. This method is popular, because for many children, it does work. It is also the easiest on mom and dad. Cry it Out does not work for all children, or all parents, and should never be used on an infant less than four months old. For the Cry It Out method to be most successful, be sure to incorporate a good bedtime routine, which alerts your infant or young child that bedtime is near and helps him to settle down for the night.

Persistence Method of Sleep Training

Put your toddler to bed. Leave the room. When he gets up, you pick him up and put him back to bed. He gets up, You pick him up and put him back to bed… again and again and again, and again. You might have to do it 72 times the first night! But he will learn that you mean business, and he will learn that he must stay in bed. DO not get angry with him. Do not talk to him. Do not give him a drink, or more attention, or anything at all. Just quietly, firmly, pick him up and put him back to bed. This method is recommended on a popular television program about nannies, and I’ve seen it work. The next night, you might only have to put him to bed 50 times, then maybe only 20 times, and eventually, within a week or so, he’ll be trained that when he’s in bed, he must stay there. Of course, if he is still in a crib, he may not be able to get out of bed! In which case, you may need to go in and lay him back down 72 times, instead. Again, be sure that your child has a bedtime routine, and follow it consistently.

Self-Soothing Method of Sleep Training

Bedtime Can Be the Best Time of the Day

We all wake up in the night, several times a night. Most of us just roll over and go right back to sleep, and may not even remember waking up. Children are the same. The child who cannot self-soothe, though, will come fully awake and be frightened. Once you train the child how to self-soothe, he will be able to fall asleep on his own – when you first put him to bed, and when he wakes up during the night.

This method can take two months to complete, but the first week is the hardest. Don’t begin it unless you have the time and patience to see it through. The first night, after your bedtime routine is complete, you will lay your child in his crib or bed. Cover him up (Children under one year are not to be put to bed with a blanket), and then pull up a chair and sit right beside his bed until he falls asleep. You might need to put your hand on his back. You are NOT holding him in bed! You are just using your touch to reassure him that you are right there. Do not talk to him. Do not give him another drink, another story, another kiss… he has had his last drink, his story, and his kiss as part of his bedtime routine. Now it is time to sleep. This method is similar to the persistence method, but you do not leave the room until your child is sound asleep.

It may take your child an hour to fall asleep! Hopefully, not quite that long, especially if you have followed the suggestions at the top including plenty of fresh air and exercise during the day. Your child should not be hungry, or over tired, if you have a daily schedule that includes regular meal times and a nap. Your presence is only there to help reassure the child that he is safe. If your child is still awake after an hour, just continue. Do not give up. Do not get up. Do not get your child up. But be sure that tomorrow you increase your child’s activity during the day to help him burn off energy and become more tired.

If your child wakes up in the night crying, you will need to repeat exactly what you did when you put him to bed. You will need to sit beside his bed until he is asleep again. No talking, kissing, singing… just sit there and reassure him with your presence. Once he is asleep, of course, you may go to your own bed and try to catch a nap.

You will need to sit by your child’s bed every night for two weeks, your hand on his back or forehead. Maybe it took an hour the first night for him to fall asleep, but after two weeks, maybe it only takes him twenty minutes. This is a sign that your plan is working! He is already learning that he can sleep in his own bed, that you are there to protect him, and that you love him dearly, but that it is bedtime! You are not talking to him, you are not giving in to his demands for a drink, a story, or more kisses. You are serious, calm, and consistent!

After about two weeks, you will continue to sit by your child’s bed, but do not touch him. Maybe you need to keep your hand on his pillow so he can see it, but try to train him to fall asleep without actually touching him. Continue on this step for several days to a week.

After three weeks, move your chair a foot away from his crib or bed. Continue to sit with him until he falls asleep. He should be falling asleep in about fifteen to twenty minutes. If it is taking longer, increase his activity during the day, or re-evaluate his diet to see if he is getting any artificial colorings, preservatives, caffeine, or other chemical that could be affecting his sleep.

After four weeks, move your chair two feet away from his crib or bed. Continue moving your chair a little bit further from the child’s bed every week, until you are sitting out in the hall. By now, your child should have learned how to self-soothe. He should know how to relax and allow himself to fall asleep on his own. Next time he wakes up in the night, do not go right away to his crib, but wait a bit and see how long it takes for him to fall asleep on his own.

This method may sound exhausting, but in about two months, you’ll have cured the problem. Keep the goal in sight, and document your progress. If after all that you’ve done, he’s still not sleeping, then it may be time to speak with your pediatrician. Keep a “sleep journal” to share with your pediatrician. List the times your child sleeps and how long he sleeps, and how long it takes him to fall asleep. This will help your pediatrician to see if there is a cause for concern, or if diet or exercise might be more to blame.

No matter what method you try, do it will calm assurance. If you are uptight, angry and frustrated, your child will become uptight, angry and frustrated – and he will never fall asleep. You may need to nap with your child during the day, or call a babysitter or neighbor to give you a break so you can catch up on your sleep.

For More Information:
Cry It Out Method: Good or Bad?

Related Articles:
Bedtime Routines for Preschoolers
Mastering the Nap
Common Bedtime Mistakes Parents Make

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Jill M
Middle: photo by John Lustig
Bottom: photo by Sally

Personal views aside, just what is Halloween, and what does it teach our children? Is it really a harmless custom, allowing the children to dress up and engage in make-believe? Or could it be more sinister? If I were to write a lesson plan for Halloween, what concepts would the children be learning? Perhaps, my list might include…

A Mom Consoles a Child Who Just Learned She's Going to be Burnt at the Stake

• People die and are buried in the ground.
• We put tombstones on the grave to mark the place.
• We write irreverent poems on the tombstones.
• Ghosts and goblins haunt cemeteries.
• Black cats are a sign something bad is going to happen.
• Some people turn into vampires when they die, and drink blood.
• Witches are ugly and cast spells on us.
• Some witches eat children. (Remember Hansel and Gretel?)
• It’s okay to knock on the doors of strangers and beg.
• It’s okay to take candy from a stranger.

Now, is there anything on that list that you actually want your child to learn?

Research Suggests Halloween is Scarier Than You Think

Dr. Cynthia Dell Clark, Associate and Fellow of the Center for Children and Childhood Studies, conducted a three-year study on the effects of Halloween on young children. She writes that parents underestimate the effect of Halloween horror on young children. While we realize that it is all just make-believe, young children have a harder time differentiating between imaginary and real.

And Halloween is definitely getting scarier! When we were children, costumes were usually home-made. We dressed up like characters in books or cartoons. You might have met Superman, Snow White, and Rin Tin Tin knocking on your door. These days, vampires and zombies far outnumber the more benign beings. That young children even know what vampires or zombies are, is something I find unbelievably tragic.

The CDC reports that children are four times more likely to be hit by a car on Halloween than any other time of the year. Children have also been known to suffer eye injuries from their costumes, or burns from flammable costumes. Some face paints have been found to be toxic, yet masks pose a greater threat by obstructing the child’s vision.

Even if Your Child's Costume is More Cute than Creepy, She May Still Be Frightened By the Experience

Then, right away in November, we began the cycle again with Thanksgiving songs and poems, Thanksgiving stories to read or write, and a Thanksgiving party to plan. When December arrived, no one had much enthusiasm or energy left to handle Christmas. Santa Claus got a little attention, Jesus got none, and we all looked forward to January when “life could return to normal”.

So before you do your share to contribute to the shaky economy by purchasing quantities of candy and costumes, just step back and reflect for a few moments. Is this something you really want your child to learn?

Relating Reading Material:

• Who Is Raising Your Child: Battling the Marketeers for Your Child’s Heart and Soul by Laura J. Buddenburg, Kathleen M. McGee
• “Mommy, I’m Scared”: How TV and Movies Frighten Children and What We Can Do to Protect Them by Joanne Cantor PH.D.
  
• Satan, You Can;t Have My Children: The spiritual warfare guide for every parent by Iris Delgado
  
• The Anxiety Cure for Kids: A Guide for Parents by Elizabeth DuPont Spencer, Robert L. Dupon, Caroline M. DuPont

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Dkprincess6
Middle: photo by Paul Stumper
Bottom: photo by Andre Chinn

When do Children Start Thumb-Sucking?

Some babies begin sucking their thumb in the womb. Most infants will suck a thumb of finger between birth and about six months of age. Parents may prefer to encourage the child to suck on a pacifier instead, as they think that it is less likely to cause dental problems, and it will be easier to break the habit one day. After all, you can’t just throw the thumb out, like you can do with the collection of pacifiers.

Why Children Suck Their Thumbs

Babies have a natural urge to suck. It’s part of their survival instinct, along with their instinct to cry. No one has to teach them these behaviors, it just comes naturally. When they cry, a basic need is met. They are fed, or changed, or held, or made more comfortable by adding or removing clothing. When babies suck, they receive nourishment from either a breast or bottle, but they also receive comfort. A parent or caregiver holds the baby (propping the bottle is not a safe or recommended practice) while feeding them, often rocking the child, and maybe singing softly. As the child is fed, the child becomes calm, and may even fall asleep. So some children, when they are anxious, suck a thumb to self-calm themselves. Even though they do not receive nourishment, they still feel comforted.

Is Thumb-Sucking Wrong?

Could You Say "No" to This Precious Face?

Won’t Thumb-Sucking Damage My Child’s Teeth?

Maybe. Not necessarily. The child can generally suck his thumb for four or five years without causing permanent damage. Some children are very aggressive suckers, so much so that they rub blisters on their thumbs and the roof of their mouth. They are more at risk for creating dental problems. Even then, sometimes the dental problem fixes itself as soon as the sucking stops.

Thumb suckers may also develop a lisp when talking, having difficulty pronouncing certain letters, like “T” or “D”. However, lisping also occurs among children who do not suck their thumbs.

Won’t The Other Children Poke Fun of My Child?

Preschool children are still in the learning stage when it comes to behavior. They won’t poke fun of a child for sucking his thumb, unless someone has taught them to do so. It is up to the parent or caregiver to teach the young child to respect the feelings of others. You can talk with your child about his thumb-sucking habit. You can encourage him to suck his thumb only at home, but in the end, you may not always be around him to remind him of the rule. It is at the times when he is away from you – visiting a friend or going to a new Preschool – when he is more likely to need the comfort his thumb provides.

But Thumb-Sucking is Such a Dirty Habit!

If you’ve read my posts before, you know how I feel about dirt. Children need it. They should be allowed to dig in it, roll in it, play in it, maybe even eat a little of it. That is how they learn. I also believe that young children need to be taught how to wash their hands, and when to wash them. If your little thumb-sucker’s dirty thumb bothers you, keep a bottle of handi-wipes around and periodically swab the offending digit.

My Friends and Relatives Keep Telling Me My Child is Too Old to Suck His Thumb

This Child Still Needs the Comfort Her Thumb Provides

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Angie M. Photography
Middle: photo by Dawnzy58
Bottom: photo by Spiritinme

How Children Learn

All of the great philosophers, educators, psychiatrists and caregivers of young children agree that children learn best by doing. They explore the world through their five senses. They touch, taste, see, smell, and hear everything, to gain understanding. When a child has touched, tasted, smelled, heard, and seen something long enough, then he is no longer interested in it. We adults see that as a “short attention span”. Instead, we should praise the child for having discovered so much so quickly!

Children Should be Supervised While Using Computers

Game Developers May Not Be Qualified

Preschool teachers have gone to college. They have a degree, and they have learned something about the young child. They are qualified to prepare lesson plans for your preschooler, that will be educational and beneficial. There is no such regulation for computer software developers. They do not have the qualifications to teach your child. Depending on a computer game to teach your child would be tantamount to hiring a high-school dropout to babysit. The drop-out might do an excellent job, but it is unlikely.

That said, more and more young children are using computers! Public libraries and preschools have computers available for little children. Parents and grandparents are buying laptops and computerized toys. Even gaming systems have latched onto this growing market, creating video games for the younger set. So the question no longer is “Should Young Children Use Computers,” but rather… preschoolers are already using computers, therefore, “What computer and video games are right for them?”

New Games Page Added

Exercise Oxygenates the Brain, Boosting Clearer Thinking

As a final note – keep computer usage to a minimum. Certainly, no more than fifteen minutes a day. Then have your child go outside to play, to relax his eyes, and work his muscles. You will have a healthier child for it.

Related Reading:
Kids and Computers
Backyard Sandbox

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Oleg1975
Middle: photo by Debora Austin
Bottom: photo by Randen Pederson

There are studies that show new moms are able to get into their skinny jeans faster if they get plenty of sleep. There are studies that show a high correlation between infants who sleep only twelve hours a day as opposed to the required 14 or more, are twice as likely to be obese by age three. Not overweight – but obese! Obesity is a major health concern, as being obese increases your risk of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, gallstones, respiratory problems and certain cancers.

Lack of Sleep Linked to Depression

There is a strong correlation between lack of sleep and depression, although it is not known if insomnia causes depression or is a result of it. Normal sleep is restorative. Lack of sleep causes fatigue, leading to increased tension and irritability. When you are fatigued, you exercise less, which creates a vicious cycle of inactivity and sleep disturbance with resulting poor health.

Lack of Sleep Linked to Heart Disease

Children Don't Sleep When They are Tired; They Sleep When They are Exhausted

Lack of Sleep Causes ADHD

A recent study found that children who got less sleep than their peers were twice as likely to have behavior problems in school, including aggression, inability to concentrate or focus – all behaviors of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The study also confirmed that while adults tend to act sluggish and groggy when they are overtired, children do the opposite. They speed up. The overactive youngster bouncing off the walls is not one that needs more physical exercise, but one that needs more sleep. This is a growing concern, as American children are getting on average one hour of sleep less per night than thirty years ago.

Lack of Sleep Causes Death

There, that’s pretty blunt! Lack of sleep causes so many health issues, that if you continue to deny yourself the restorative benefits of sleep, you shorten your life significantly. The study used 1.3 million people from all around the world, and found an unequivocal relationship between lack of sleep and premature death.

How Much Sleep We Need

A Daily Nap is Good for Mom's Health, Too

Infants need 14 or more hours of sleep per day. Toddlers and preschoolers need 12-14 hours of sleep. School age children need about 10-11 hours of sleep, with teens still needing at least nine hours of sleep per night. Count backwards from what time your child needs to get up in the morning, to find the right bedtime – but remember to add a half an hour for falling asleep. So, if your preschooler needs to be up by six, so you can get him dressed, fed, and ready to go wherever, and he gets 11 hours of sleep at night (and a two hour nap), count back eleven and a half hours, which makes six-thirty his bedtime. By going to bed at six-thirty, he should be able to be asleep by seven, giving him his necessary eleven hours.

Do the same for yourself. If you need to get up by five o’clock in order to get everyone up, dressed, fed, and off to wherever they have to be, and you need eight hours of sleep, count backwards eight and a half hours, giving you a bedtime of eight-thirty. Sound absurd? How many grown-ups do you know who go to bed before midnight? Maybe you’re already thinking, “How can I get all my work done, if I spend that much time asleep?”

But instead, maybe you should be thinking, “How much more productive will I be, if I am healthier? If I can concentrate better while I’m at work?” Imagine if you never had to take a sick-day off work because either you or your child was under the weather?

There are five basic steps for optimal health. Getting enough sleep is just the first step. I will cover each one individually over the next few days. This post is for your information. If you want to teach your child about health, check out the activities for Health Week.

Photo Credits:
Top: photo by Linda Aslund
Middle: photo by Brian Fitzgerald
Bottom: photo by Toshimasa Ishibashi

Sources:

• Neihmond, Patti. “Lack of Sleep Linked to Later Weight Gain in Babies”. Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine. April 11, 2008.
• Stein, Rob. “Scientists Finding Out What Lack of Sleep Does to a Body”. Washington Post. October 9, 2005.
• Park, Alice. “Lack of Sleep Linked to Heart Problems”. Time Magazine. December 23, 2008.

I always wonder at people who hate the winter but live where it snows. Seems to me they have two choices: Move someplace warmer, or learn to enjoy the snow. To continue to live where you are unhappy should not even be an option! For your own mental health, and that of your family, do something about this today. This article and the next will help you learn ways to break the chains that imprison you.

Get Outside and Enjoy the Weather

The first rule to enjoying winter is to dress warmly. You cannot enjoy yourself if you are shivering. I covered the importance of long underwear and layering in an earlier article, Getting Ready for Winter. Another tip is to try to stay dry. As soon as your clothing gets wet, you can get chilled. So don’t sit directly on the snow. Sit on a plastic sled or tarp, unless your stay outside will be brief.

The second rule is to get a minimum of 20 minutes of sunshine on as much skin as you can bare, daily, which seems to contrast with rule number 1. You do not want to get chilled, but if it’s not windy and you can take off your hat, scarf or mittens for a little bit, do so. Lift your face to the sun. Go outside at noon, when the sun is brightest – which is the opposite of summer warnings, when you need to avoid the sun’s more direct damaging rays. I was very fortunate in one home to have an inner atrium that was completely protected on four sides. It was a small space – about fourteen feet square – that was exposed to the sun but not the wind. I could sit out there in a swimming suit at noon in February! At least, some of the time. I don’t know why more homes aren’t built like that, other than the fact it was terribly inefficient to heat.

Take Your Child Sledding

Go Sledding With Your Children

Picnics are Fun Anytime of Year

Continue Your Summer Sports Training with a Club Membership

If you have a summer sport you really enjoy, such as cycling or swimming, you can keep that up, thanks to the spread of indoor gym facilities. We recently joined the YMCA in our city, which is very reasonably priced. They have swimming lessons all winter long, and plenty of open-swim times so we can practice between lessons. There are cycling classes, badminton classes, even family karate classes. The benefit to training all winter long, is that you’ll be in shape to enjoy your summer sport that much more once the snow melts.

Air Out Your Home Frequently

We make our homes air-tight to save on heating costs in the winter, but that can lead to poor indoor air quality. Periodically open a window for a bit to bring in fresh air. Vacuum often, replace furnace filters, wash sheets and bedding at least once a week and use dust mite covers, air out or clean mold-prone areas of the home, and keep plenty of houseplants. Not only will they freshen the air, but they might give you an emotional boost as well with their fresh, spring-like colors. Take a Vacation Someplace Warm If your blues get really bad, or happen every year about the same time, you might consider making a vacation to a sunny beach part of your family tradition. Whether you chose a condo in Miami, or a local motel with a heated swimming pool and water slides, do something warm, wet and wonderful together.

Houseplants Help Improve Indoor Air Quality

Fix Up the Cabin

Finally, if you just have to be stuck inside your “cabin” during the height of cabin fever, then fix it up. Make a change. Paint some walls or rearrange the furniture. Get rid of stuff to create more space. Sew some new curtains. Shampoo the carpets. Hang some new artwork. Anything you can do to spruce up your home will help you to enjoy the time you spend there. And if you’re happy, your entire family will be happier.

Related Reading
Getting Ready for Winter
Ten Snow Day Activities for Children
Ten Rainy Day Activities for Children

Credits:
Sad Boy: photo by Kevin Pack
Sledding: photo by Chris Sampson
Winter Picnic: photo by Timo Newton-Syms
Houseplants: photo by Jennifer Feuchter